Page 115 of A Sweet Destruction

“Esme,” Ford said again, pouring my name into the open space between our mouths.

Oh, I hadn’t even realized he’d brought his face close to mine again. It was hard to tell when he shifted his touch, adding or removing hands or his mouth. The warmth, the burning want, was all the same.

A second later, Ford’s limbs started to lock up, his thrusts turning hurried as he fell into pleasure’s waiting embrace.

When I heard his extended groan of pleasure and felt the hot rush of his release inside of me, I could of sworn a small, short burst of an orgasm unfurled in response. As if my body needed to join him somehow.

Ford collapsed on top of me, his head burrowing into my hair, his face turned towards mine so that his breaths washed over my ear.

If our breathing wasn’t synced, he might have been crushing me.

I didn’t think I’d ever felt more comfortable.

We laid there for long moments, not saying anything. I chose to believe it was because we didn’t need to, that we could just lie there together, his hand buried in my hair and thumb stroking my temple, my hands sweeping down his back.

Eventually, Ford started to find movement again, pulling away from me.

“No, no, please don’t,” I rushed out before I found the mind to be embarrassed about my panic.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart,” Ford said with a smile in his voice, even as my frown deepened as he separated our bodies. He flopped down on the bed next to me, keeping his leg hooked over mine.

He propped his head up on one hand and pulled my face over to look at him with the other, still tangled in my hair.

I forced myself not to squirm as he examined me, letting him sweep his eyes up and down my bare body, over my flushed face and swollen lips. Over eyes that were probably too clear to hide how I really felt.

After a moment, Ford’s eyes turned pensive, the green in them taking on a hue that reminded me of the leaves that lived near the bottom of trees.

His mouth started to turn down, the right bending further than the left.

“What is it?” I whispered, unable to ignore the change I saw in his expression, but still scared to say anything that would burst this happy little bubble we lived in.

Ford shook his head slightly, in perfect sync with a sweep of his thumb over my skin. “I keep thinking about you,” he said, his words drawing a smile to my lips.

“I think that’s a good thing,” I teased, cheeks pumping with a renewed warmth under his attentions.

He flicked my lower lip in soft chastisement. “Just that it feels like I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” Ford swallowed thickly, as if trying to clear away a tightness in his throat. “And every time I think about what you must have been going through, while I stood there with my head so far up my ass, I just—”

Ford cut off so abruptly, it took me a second to realized he’d even stopped.

“Hey,” I said, my voice turning soft. I’d held my anger over him, both internally and externally, for so long. It might have been the post-intimacy glow, but I didn’t want anger to be any part of this any longer. For him or for me. “Everything turned out alright. I’d say we were quite alright just a second ago.”

I wasn’t planning on addressing it outright, how shattering that experience had felt. How singular, like we were the first people on earth to ever figure out that bodies moved together that way and could feel so good. It just slipped out, the little bubbles of pleasure still sparking my chest keeping me on the right side of giddy.

“That’s the thing,” Ford said, pressing his fingertips into the back of my head. “I’m pretty sure that was the best single experience of my entire life. Even with all the bullshit, the past few days have seemed so much lighter. I really hate it took this long. Fuck, Esme, I’ve known you for nearly a decade.”

I rolled a little closer towards him, my shoulder curling in to shadow our faces and cocoon us together. “As much as I wanted you at the beginning”—the subtle raise of Ford’s eyebrow caused me to clarify—“and still do, I don’t think it would have worked if we jumped into it then.”

Ford scoffed, but this was an important thing for me to clarify. Maybe correct some things I’d assumed at the beginning.

“You said you’ve been waiting a long time. You’ve said that twice now. I thought you barely tolerated me. Maybe cared for me from proximity but…the other stuff.” That wasn’t the most eloquent way to finish that sentence, but my words started to feel too far away when I started addressing the deeper feelings here. Attraction and companionship felt safe. The aforementioned other stuff, not so much.

Ford nudged his nose against mine, then said softly, “It’s hard to be around you that much and not develop…well, fuck, develop a bit of a crush.”

Surely the expression on my face captured how insane I thought he was in this moment. Ford. A crush. On me.

Ford laughed lightly, tilting his head back as he did it. I had the sudden urge to lick his throat. Clearly, releasing all that pent up desire hadn’t done anything for my sanity. “You do realize that you’re beautiful, right? Funny. Kind. Smart. Considerate. I’ve been right there next to you, seeing it all.”

“I…I had no idea.”