Page 40 of Mesmerized

“I find it unlikely,” Olivia agreed.

“That’s good, then, because Stephen doesn’t believe it at all, and I don’t think he would court a woman who did. He would find her silly, don’t you think? Madame Valenskaya makes Stephen furious. He only lets her stay here because it means so much to Mama. I guess you know that.”

“Yes. But, Belinda, you must not think that Stephen, I mean, Lord St. Leger, is courting me.”

Belinda chuckled. “I don’t know why you try to hide it. It’s clear that Stephen is head over heels for you. I’ve seen him watching you when he thinks no one is looking.”

Olivia felt her cheeks growing warm despite the cool air. “I’m sure you must be mistaken. Lord St. Leger and I are...are...”

What were they, really? One could scarcely call what had just happened in Stephen’s study as being “merely friends.” Yet she could not believe, either, that Stephen was interested in any deep or permanent way, such as Belinda believed. Olivia was there to help him catch a fraud, that was all... Except, of course, for those kisses.

“Belinda...” Olivia said, knowing that she should not be prying like this into St. Leger’s life, especially using his young sister to do so, but she could not keep herself from asking. “Do you know anything about Lady Pamela and your brother—Stephen, I mean?”

“Oh, yes, I heard it all long ago. Not at the time it happened, of course, for I was still a child. But later, from things the servants said. Stephen’s valet knew it all, you see, better than Mama or anyone.”

“Lady Pamela told me that Stephen was a terrible flirt.”

“Stephen? Are you serious?”

“She said she fell in love with him long ago, before she met Roderick, and that he broke her heart.”

“Oh!” Belinda exclaimed, her eyes flashing. “Pamela is such a shocking liar. She wasn’t in love with Stephen. I doubt she’s ever been in love with anyone but herself. That was not what happened at all.”

“Really?” Olivia felt as if tight bands were loosening around her chest.

“Yes. It was exactly the opposite. Stephen was madly in love with her. It was when he was a young man, just out of university and living in London for the first time. He met Pamela there and fell in love with her. He wanted to marry her. Then the family came to town for the season, and of course he was proud to introduce her to them. But when she met Roderick, she decided she could land a bigger fish than Stephen, so she threw him over and went after Roderick instead. She wanted to be Lady St. Leger, you see, and she knew that Roderick was the heir. It broke Stephen’s heart. He left the country because he could not bear to see them together. It caused an enormous rift between him and Roderick.”

“Oh! My goodness, how awful.”

Belinda’s story clarified several things for Olivia. Obviously Pamela’s tale that Stephen was a cad who had toyed with her affections, then abandoned her, was untrue, something that Olivia had vaguely sensed but had been unable to understand the reasons for. Now she saw that for Pamela, portraying herself as a victim, even if it meant revealing herself to be rejected, was clearly better than admitting the truth, which revealed her to be greedy, proud and cold.

Unfortunately, the true story did not make Olivia feel much better. It was a relief to know that Stephen was not a heartless flirt. But he had loved Pamela passionately; his heart had been broken by her. It seemed all too likely that deep down, underneath the bitterness and pain, he loved her still. It would not be easy, Olivia thought, for a great passion to cool to nothing. Olivia had seen Stephen treat Pamela with a stiff formality, even coolness, but she was afraid that even that was indicative of the fact that feeling still lurked inside him for her, a feeling he knew to be foolish, even dangerous.

Whatever attraction Stephen might feel for Olivia, she knew, was bound to pale in comparison to the love he had felt for Pamela. Pamela was a great beauty, the kind of woman over whom men had once fought duels and started wars. He had loved her with all the passion and fervor of youth, and that sort of love was never forgotten. The kisses he had shared with Olivia, she knew, while they had been soul shattering for her, doubtless were mild compared to the kisses he had given Pamela. Rather than expressions of the sort of overwhelming love he had felt for Pamela, they were expressions of a cooler, more mature desire—one, moreover, that she feared was at least partially fueled by the desire he had experienced in his dream.

Even worse, Olivia suspected that Pamela wanted Stephen back. He was, after all, now the possessor of the title and fortune for which she had jilted him years earlier, but now he must seem even more appealing to her, because he had acquired an even greater fortune during the intervening years. Pamela would not have any doubts that she could rekindle the fire he had once felt for her. The only reason Olivia could see for Pamela to tell her the story she had told her was to frighten Olivia away from Stephen. Pamela, knowing that Stephen had invited Olivia to stay there, but not knowing the real reason for it, must have assumed, as Lady St. Leger and Belinda had, that Stephen had an amatory interest in Olivia. Olivia did not imagine that Pamela could think her much of a threat, but she had probably decided not to take any chances. By telling Olivia that Stephen was a hopeless flirt, a callous cad who would entice her into loving him, then break her heart, Pamela was making sure that Olivia would back away from him, leaving her a clear field.

If Pamela wanted him back, Olivia thought, how could she ever hope to compete with her? If fighting the memory of his love for Pamela would be difficult, it would be ten times worse to overcome the present reality of the woman.

“It is almost time for tea,” Belinda commented, breaking into Olivia’s painful thoughts.

Olivia nodded and smiled perfunctorily, and they began to make their way back through the garden to the house, talking of other things.

Inside they found Lady St. Leger and Madame Valenskaya in the informal sitting room on the second floor. Lady St. Leger looked up as they entered and smiled.

“Ah, there you are, dear. Madame and I saw the two of you walking down in the garden.” She gave a little shiver. “Too cool and gray for me today.”

“Ah,” Madame Valenskaya said with a chuckle and a ponderous wink at Belinda and Olivia. “To be young. Yes?”

“Oh, Mama, it hasn’t even gotten cold yet.”

“I know. But I so hate to see the summer go.” Her voice faltered a little, and she looked down hastily at her lap.

Olivia glanced with some concern at Belinda, who was watching her mother, her young face suddenly etched with sorrow. She remembered then that everyone said Roderick had died about a year ago. She had the feeling it must have been about this time of year and Lady St. Leger was thinking of sad memories.

She tried to think of something to redirect the conversation, silently cursing the fact that social chatter was not one of her skills. Fortunately, a footman carried in the tea tray at that moment and strode over to set it down on the low table in front of Lady St. Leger.

Stephen’s mother managed to muster up a smile and say, “Ah, Chilton, thank you. Doesn’t this look wonderful? Send Cook my compliments.”