Page 134 of Playing By Ear

“Interesting.” He handed back the phone. “I look forward to that email.”

“Of course.” They continued the washing-up in silence for several moments, then Evan said, “As you know, I’ve lived the double life. I’ve lived with a big secret hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles.”

“I know.”

“If you ever need someone to talk to⁠—”

“I’ve got Perry, but thanks.”

Evan nodded. “So Perry knows. Good.”

“I told him a few hours ago.”

“Ah, that explains it. Most couples where one is blind, they touch each other a lot.”

“We do.” Jamie reviewed the evening in a flash. “Oh, we didn’t tonight. I suppose I was afraid to.”

“What does Perry think about your family?”

“We had to finish preparing dinner before we could dive deep into the subject. He’ll probably wake in the middle of the night with several hundred burning questions.”

“And how will you answer them?”

“Carefully,” Jamie said. “But honestly.”

“Who do you see when you look at me?” Jamie asked once the guests were gone and it was just the two of them side by side at Perry’s table. “The son of a ruthless, violent man?”

Perry waited for his swirling fury to grant him the strength to expel Jamie from his his life. But the target of his wrath wasn’t the man beside him. “You told the truth today when you didn’t have to. If you’d held back, I wouldn’t have suspected a thing. Anyone would be upset about their agent’s connection to gangsters.”

“I couldn’t hide it anymore, not when I…when I feel like I do about you.” Jamie curled his arms around his own waist. “I don’t deserve you.”

From most men this would have sounded like fishing for reassurance. But Perry heard only desolation in Jamie’s voice.

“You really believe that, don’t you? That you’re not worthy of love because of who your family is?”

Jamie’s shoulders jerked in a shrug.

Perry continued. “You’re not your father. You’re not even the low-level thug who drove me away from refereeing.” He wished he’d learnt that young man’s name, in case Jamie knew him. “I don’t hold their actions against you.”

“I’m glad of that, but you’ve not thought about what it means to be with someone from a family like mine. Mind that obnoxious guy who was hassling me that day at Dewar’s statue? Calling me ‘Jimmy Mack’ and begging me to play that song?”

Jimmy Mack. Jimmy MacKray.

A shiver skipped across the back of Perry’s shoulders. “Is he related to you?”

“Not by blood. Our families work together, and there’s been trouble. I cannae go into detail, mostly because I don’t know⁠—”

“Wait. The man who approached you in Buchanan Street is a threat?”

“It feels that way.” He laid a firm hand on Perry’s arm. “That doesn’t make it true. The reality is, you and I are safe because we’re not part of the business. It would violate the code to hurt us.” He let go. “But this is the sort of rubbish that comes with the territory. You’ve got to ask yourself if I’m worth it.”

Perry wanted to answer, Of course you’re worth it, because I love you, then drive away all doubt with a long, hard kiss. But he had to be sure first. So instead he sat clutching his tea mug, reviewing every conversation where he should have seen the signs.

The mental rewind uncovered a difficult item. “I lied to you on our first date. Nathan and I didn’t fall out of love, and I didn’t break up with him. He left me.” Perry rubbed the tingles of shame from his face. “And I deserved it.”

“Why do you think so?”

“He was estranged from his parents, and I took it upon myself to reunite them.”