Page 50 of Playing By Ear

“No. Well, aye, probably. But I mean call me, as in a title.”

“Lord Colin?”

“Nah, see, he’s a second son,” Colin said. “‘Lord Andrew’ is just a courtesy title.”

“So?”

“So let’s say Andrew married a woman. She’d not be called Lady Caitlin or whatever. She’d be Lady Andrew. Which means I’d be…”

Oh God. Jamie cackled at the thought of Colin’s entire identity—working-class to the core—swallowed up by his aristocratic spouse. Hell would freeze over first.

“See?” Colin said. “The world cannae handle one Lord Andrew, let alone two.”

Jamie lifted his pint glass. “It’d be pretty entertaining for the rest of us, though.”

On the table beside him, his phone screen lit up with a new text:

Supergrrrl

Don’t forget Dad has neurology appt at noon tomorrow

He sent Belinda a quick reply.

Got it

Then he noticed a message sent an hour ago:

Perry

I’m livestreaming at 10 tonight if you want to watch

He’d included a link and a grimace emoji.

So this is what those cameras in Perry’s bedroom were for. It was already ten past ten, too late to reply without interrupting, so Jamie tapped the link, one of those generated by a URL shortener.

A browser window opened, taking him to a familiar cam site. It automatically logged him in, though he’d not visited it in months. Jamie turned down the volume on his phone, lest the entire pub hear what it was playing.

Onscreen, a live video shot showed a man on a bed facing the camera, visible from the neck down. He was naked but for a red-and-green tartan kilt. The channel name was Falcon84.

Emojis flooded the comments: hearts, kissy faces, Scottish saltire flags, and aubergines, with a few scattered peaches. Several of the followers greeted one another like old mates. Whoever this guy was, he’d created a community.

The man onscreen dragged a casual hand over the front of his kilt, which was already tented with a semi-erection.

Jamie laughed. He’d thought Perry too uptight for such a joke. “Nice one.”

Colin leaned over. “What’s that?”

“This guy I’m seeing said he was doing a livestream at this link he sent me. So I’m expecting to go to his YouTube, and instead it’s some rando’s cam session.”

Colin took the phone. “Not enough Scottish cam boys out there. Good find, that.” His eyes bugged out. “Oh.”

“Oh, what?”

“The siiize of…fuuuuuuuck.”

A hot shiver broke over Jamie’s scalp. It couldn’t be.

“Gimme that.” He snatched the phone from Colin’s hand. The cam model had drawn back his kilt to unveil a thick, towering stauner.