Page 75 of K-Pop Double Life

Aidan handed us the shirts. One hundred percent polyester, baggy, with poorly sewn seams and loose threads.

“Look at your face,” Aidan said, laughing. “You and Jin would never wear anything like that, would you?”

I looked at Jin and he laughed. “No,” he said.

“Excellent. Put them on with dark pants and these.” He handed us a pair of plain baseball caps.

No one gave us a second look as we walked through the hotel lobby. The car service had sent an unremarkable dark sedan, and as we drove through the neon-lit streets I wondered if this was a bad idea. But Liam and Aidan were there to protect us, so I decided to give in.

The club was as they told us it would be. Dark and crowded and noisy. Jin looked at me and took my hand, and led me to the dance floor. We squeezed between groups of older men with gray hair and tank tops, and began to dance.

It was incredibly freeing. I slithered next to Jin and we rubbed our bodies together, moving as one being. The floor was too crowded for any of the moves he did on stage, which was just fine.

After a while we were both sweating, and Jin leaned close to my ear. “Drink?”

I nodded, and he took my hand again. That was almost better than dancing. Walking through a crowded club holding hands with him, not worrying about who might see us or whether somebody had a phone pointed in our direction.

We found a place at the bar and Jin ordered two beers from a very American-sounding company called Sam Adams. While we waited, I looked around.

In addition to the older guys, there were some men our age. Two guys beside us were sharing something on a phone, their shoulders pressed together. One of them laughed and kissed the other on the cheek. Neither of them looked around afterward to see if anyone had noticed.

The bartender put our beers down and Jin handed me one. I took a long swallow. It tasted flat and bland, but it was America and we needed to experience it all.

A couple came up to the bar behind us, a few years older than we were. One man put his arm around the other’s waist while they waited to order. It was such a small thing. Something I had seen men and women do a thousand times without thinking about it.

I wondered what it would be like if Jin and I could be that ordinary.

He must have seen something on my face, because he leaned closer. “Someday.”

“You think so?” I took another drink of the bland beer. The taste was growing on me.

“I have to.” He bumped his shoulder against mine, and I laughed. Then he held out his hand. “Come on. We didn’t come here to watch everybody else.”

He pulled me back onto the dance floor.

This time I stopped thinking about Seoul and Pryzm and reporters and fans. I stopped wondering who knew about us and what would happen if they found out. There was just Jin, smiling at me in the flashing light.

At one point I looked over and saw Aidan and Liam dancing together with a grace I hadn’t expected of them. Even in the dim light, they looked like they were in love.

Then I noticed another couple beyond them, men closer to our age. They were dancing badly and laughing about it, one of them with his arms around the other’s neck. They looked happy. Not famous. Not brave. Just happy.

I wanted that for Jin and me.

Not only tonight in a dark club thousands of miles from home. I wanted years together, holding and loving each other. I wanted someday to be so accustomed to touching him that I didn’t have to think about whether anyone was watching.

30

FALSE NOTES

JIN — NEW YORK

Monday June 1, 2026

The radio host had perfect teeth and the kind of enthusiasm that felt exhausting at eight in the morning. Especially after having danced with Sang-hoon until nearly midnight the night before. Only having Grace there to translate anything I didn’t understand made it easier.

“So Jin, you’re in New York for the first time with Pryzm! How does it feel to be performing at Madison Square Garden?”

I smiled. The one I’d practiced in mirrors for years, the one that looked genuine even when I was running on four hours of sleep and anxiety that sat in my stomach like lead.