Page 120 of Hostile Saint

Justice pulled out the VHS tape and held it up for me to view. “There is also a personal thing.” She stood and reached over Lynx’s bed to hand me what I had been craving to see.

Then she and Diesel left the room.

Dagger turned on the TV, then headed for the closed door.

“You’re leaving?”

He stopped, then slowly faced me. “I, uh, thought you might want some privacy.”

I could feel my innards trembling as I shook my head no.

I looked to Lynx. “Will you guys stay with me?”

Having expected to see a satanic ritual, or something criminal, I covered my mouth when my dad suddenly appeared on the TV. He was just as I had remembered him, but now being older, I noticed how young he actually had been. I would have guessed no more than twenty-two, even though he already had stress lines.

Sitting on a stool, with a solemn expression, he nodded to someone off-screen then began to talk into the camera. “This video is for my son, Tate Young. If you’re not him, but are someone with a good heart,” he swallowed, “I beg you not to watch this private message.”

Dagger pushed pause on the old VCR. “We stopped watching at this point. This is for you. So…” He tried to leave again.

More inner trembles shook me. “Please stay.”

Charlie laid his head in my lap.

Reluctantly, Dagger came back. “I guess if the dog has the balls,” he pushed play, then sat on my bed, “I need to.”

On the TV, my dad blew out a shaky breath. “If you are Tate…” He choked out, “I’m so sorry.” He gave a slight shrug as his dark blue eyes watered. “You may be too young to understand, but if you’re watching this, it means I failed you.” He wiped a large hand down his reddening face. “It means I am missing out on watching you grow into,” he whispered the next part as if saying the words out loud was causing him grave pain, “a man.”

He was barely old enough to be one himself yet carried evident maturity.

My dad blew out more air then stared at the ceiling. “You watching this means bad people found out I was searching for your mother.”

I swayed on the edge of my bed.

Now looking to the floor at his feet, my dad shook his head. “You watching this video means I made a horrible mistake, and,” his shoulders shook as he began to cry, “I left my son all alone, to face them.”

Even though I was holding back, with all my power, tears dripped from my trembling chin.

Also trying to stop crying, my dad held up his hand to someone approaching him. “No. I don’t want anyone to see you if this falls in the wrong hands.” It sounded like a female sniffling from behind the camera, right before my dad coughed, attempting to collect himself.

He readjusted on the stool then set his shoulders back, lifting his chin. “Maybe, just maybe I will be a better father from above.” His jaw locked. “If I’m gone,” he pointed up, “there, I will do everything in my power to send someone to watch over you.”

Not able to hold it in anymore, I grabbed the t-shirt at my chest and howled to the ceiling.

Dagger quickly paused the tape as Lynx yanked me from the bed and held me so tight. “He did, son. Fuck. I’m here. I swear it.”

We stood there, both shaking.

Dagger tried to soothe Charlie while Lynx tried to do the same for me. I cried so hard, nodding, practically choking on tears as he kept repeating, “I’m here. I’m here…”

My dad was gone. And he had known he was going.

Lynx held me as I cried…

He held me… I cried… until my tears were spent.

Once I finally calmed down, I sat back down on the edge of the bed again. Charlie quickly came to me as Lynx handed me a bottle of water. “Try to drink that.”

I took a long pull before Dagger hit play.