Page 88 of Hostile Saint

Coke sprayed out Lynx’s nostrils.

For once, Dagger got to hand out the napkin. “Damn, dude, clean yourself and that drenched steering wheel.”

Laughing hard, Lynx wiped his nose while trying to answer his ringing cellphone. “Yo.” Dabbing the steering wheel, he kept laughing. “What’s so funny? The fucking pup is becoming a smartass, Stallion style.” He wadded the napkin and threw it at me while telling the caller, “I was going to call you in a bit… Oh yeah? Wait—” He set the phone on the center console, then tapped the screen. “Okay, you’re on speaker.” Then, he put the car in reverse and watched for passing cars.

Somehow already knowing who was on the phone, Dagger lowered his voice. “Captaaaaain.”

“Daggeeeeeeer,” she tried to imitate, lacking the lower register.

“Hey, Cap.” I sat forward to lean between the front seats.

“What up, kid? Glad to hear you’re harassing the old men.”

“The fuck?”

“Sis, have my back!”

“Oh, don’t go and get your arthritis all inflamed. Okay, I have an update from our prison contact. Her husband told her that Mr. Edward Scoal is pretty much a loner. Only hangs around a man named Ted.”

“Ted and Ed? How cute.” Dagger shoved fries in his mouth.

Justice giggled, “Hey, who are we to judge? Love is love, am I right? Anyways, both are very quiet and unprotected.”

“No shit?” To have his hands free, Lynx put the last bit of his burger in his mouth and tried to talk. “Mayb’ he’s a dea’ en’.”

As the car backed up, Captain said, “Dead-end is exactly what I was thinking, but I like to cross my Ts, so—” When Dagger and Lynx started chuckling, she snarled, “Hey, it pays to pay attention, fuckers. Anyways, I did a little more digging on the house.” I heard a slapping of wood before Justice giggled again. “That was my drum roll to get you ready. Guess who was a previous owner of Saint’s house.”

“Noooo.” Dagger stared out the windshield.

“Yep. Ted Slatter. Co-winky-dink? I-think-not.”

As Lynx drove us out of the parking lot, he struggled to swallow his huge bite. “Justice, does he have—”

“Children? Just a single geneticist. So, we have four young men with no identities, no biological fathers, and two houses owned by the same men that happen to be prison buds, only a couple blocks from each other. Then, two stepdads… I mean, do the math. Two plus two, know what I’m sayin’?”

Dagger grumbled, “This is fishy as fuck.”

Justice agreed. “Yeperonni.”

The Prez and VP did a doubletake, then stared at the phone.

Lynx stopped at a red light while questioning, “Co-winky-dink and Yeperonni?”

Dagger asked, “Justice, did you get possessed by a teenage girl or something?”

Lynx drove through a now green light as Justice replied, “Oh, dude. This new bunny, Sapphire, is getting words like that stuck in my fucking head. If Elle didn’t find her so adorable, she’d be in the ground by now.”

When my eyes popped wide, thinking that was a little harsh, Dagger chuckled. “Kid, she’s just kidding.”

“Not in the slightest,” chimed an annoyed Captain. “Brat’s been locking his door at night so I can’t sneak in and strangle her in her sleep. I bet she farts unicorn dust or some shit.”

All three of us burst into a laughing fit.

Justice didn’t. She complained, “I’m serious. She doesn’t even walk right. She fucking skips. Like a little pain-in-the-ass fairy on a mission to spread joy.” Hurl! “Gag me.”

We laughed even harder.

After we parked in the woods on the right side of Serenity Institute, a wet Vice got in the backseat with me. Eyeing his bag of food, he took off a clear plastic hooded poncho. “I’m gonna fuck that bag up. Did you remember my diet Coke?”