Page 34 of Gold and Good Sense

He continued, clearly unaware of the war which was brewing inside Elizabeth. “Despite my early reservations as to your suitability, your vivacity, wit, and persistent cheerfulness in the face of difficulties have completely won me over. Miss Elizabeth, I must ask that you accept my hand in marriage.”

Elizabeth would have hesitated over how to respond to such a confusing mish mash of insults and compliments, but his final expression, that of absolute certainty that she would not refuse, tilted the scale sharply. She responded with all the anger that had been boiling within her ever since she spoke with Miss Bingley the night before.

“I believe the expected reply of gleeful acceptance is beyond me at the moment,” she said, “as is even the modicum of gratitude that is expected even when one intends to decline a proposal. Why should I be grateful when a man stands before me and insults me and my entire family with the same breath that declares love and admiration? A man who can deliver such a confused proposal cannot truly respect me or anything I care about, so why bother sparing his feelings by turning him down gently?”

It was Mr. Darcy’s turn to have his jaw drop in surprise. He rallied quickly, however, and said, “Am I to understand that you are refusing me?”

“What you understand is your own business,” said Elizabeth sharply. “The meanderings of your thoughts have always been beyond me since you take so little trouble to express them coherently. Yes, Mr. Darcy, I am refusing your offer.”

She knew even as the words came out of her mouth that they were far harsher than he deserved. Once he had overcome his initial awkwardness, he had in fact been her favorite conversation partner here in London. The words had been said, however, and no good could possibly come from her attempting to retract them.

“And is that all the reply I am to receive?” he asked. “I might wonder why you took so little effort to soften what you must know is a severe blow.”

“Why should I do any such thing for a man who, only moments ago, was so intent on spilling out every harsh judgment he had ever had about me or my family? Did the thought of softening your harsh judgments ever cross your mind? Of course not. Since that is the case, there was no reason for me to soften mine. Besides, nothing could induce me to be kind to a man who has caused such pain to my beloved sister.”

“Your sister!” he cried. “I have harmed neither of your sisters.”

“You convinced your friend, Mr. Bingley, to abandon his pursuit of Jane!” cried Elizabeth. The feeling of knowing how much Jane was hurting caused tears to spring to her eyes. Her tolerance for this conversation had reached its limits.

“Now, Mr. Darcy, I beg you would leave me in peace,” she said, barely holding back her tears. “Nothing more can be gained by continuing this conversation.”

“But…” he said. Clearly he wished to defend himself against her accusation.

She, however, did not wish to hear it. “No, Mr. Darcy. No more. I beg you. Please leave.”

Even after her heartfelt plea, he did not leave immediately. He stared at her for several moments, strong emotions chasing each other across his face. He must have come to the conclusion that it would do no good to ignore her wishes.

“I wish you as much happiness as you can grasp, Miss Elizabeth,” he said. Then he left.

It was only when Elizabeth knees suddenly began shaking beneath her that she realized she had stood up at some point in the conversation. When all the strength she had gained from her anger left her suddenly, she could no longer remain standing. She collapsed into the chair behind her.

Lady Esther found her like that several minutes later when she returned. “I am surprised,” she said. “I thought I would find the two of you in a scandalous embrace, rejoicing in your betrothal.”

“Why on Earth would you think any such thing?” asked Elizabeth.

“Aren’t you in love with the man?” asked Lady Esther. Genuine surprise was clear on her face. “I am certain he is very much in love with you.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest any such thing, but the words wouldn’t come forth. Flashes of memory, moments when she had gazed at him admiringly or had been completely absorbed by what he was saying, flitted through her mind. These were swiftly followed by the sure knowledge that he had caused Jane’s heartbreak and then by his insulting and haughty proposal.

The memory of how viciously she had refused him had her practically groaning in pain. Then, the worst realization of all hammered itself into her mind. She would likely never see Mr. Darcy again. She would never converse with him on such easy terms. She would never see him with that slightly softer, warmer, more relaxed expression on his face that he only wore for her.

That realization did cause a groan to escape her mouth. “I suppose I am,” she admitted begrudgingly, “though I am only just now realizing it. Even so, I cannot regret declining his proposal. Not after he hurt Jane so abominably.”

“Hurt Jane?” asked Lady Esther. “This is the first I’m hearing of it. What did he do?”

“He was the one who convinced Mr. Bingley to stop calling on Jane,” cried Elizabeth. “You’ve seen how downhearted she has been this last week, and it is all thanks to that interfering, overly proud, high-handed Mr. Darcy.”

Elizabeth expected shock or dismay to appear on Lady Esther’s face at this news or at the very least to have the Lady’s expression remain as placid as usual. What she did not expect was for pity and exasperation to appear there.

“Elizabeth,” said Lady Esther softly and gently, “have you even asked Jane why she is unhappy or how she feels about Mr. Bingley’s disappearance?”

“No,” said Elizabeth. “It was obvious to me what the cause must be, and I did not wish to burden her by forcing her to speak of her pain.”

Lady Esther just looked at Elizabeth for a few moments. Then she said, “I think it would be best for you two sisters to have a long chat. Now. I will have the butler turn away any other callers this morning until you have cleared the air between you.”

Though the words sounded like a suggestion, Lady Esther’s peremptory tone turned them into an order, one with as much force as any directive Elizabeth had ever received from her father.

“Very well,” said Elizabeth. She left the room and headed for the library.