Page 45 of Gold and Good Sense

Before he had even come to a stop before her, she blurted out, “Mr. Darcy, I have been longing to tell you how truly sorry I am that I blamed you for Jane’s heartbreak. I discovered less than an hour after your last departure how very mistaken I was. For one, Jane wasn’t actually heartbroken, and for another it was not you who separated her from Mr. Bingley. Rather, it was Jane herself.”

“Do not distress yourself. It has long been forgotten,” he said. “While the reason for your ire may have been misplaced by the error, you had plenty of good reason to despise me. My attitude toward all your family during my proposal was appalling. Of course you would respond with anger.”

Elizabeth was both elated at his ready forgiveness and distressed by the way he had said it had long been forgotten. Did that mean that he hadn’t given any thought to her or his proposal in the months they had been apart? Had it meant so little to him that he could easily forget?

She tried to push away her disappointment by reminding herself that this was as it should be. A man who has been rejected so forcefully should find a way to let go of his feelings as quickly as possible. She was not entirely successful, however. Such pain as she felt only served to make one thing clear. Somewhere in her heart, she still wished for him to propose once again.

She still wished to marry this man.

She struggled to find something to say so that things would not grow too awkward between them. Finally, she forced out, “I was surprised to see you. I knew your uncle was in the area, but no one has said anything about you accompanying him.”

“Ah, well, I haven’t really introduced myself just yet,” he said. There was some kind of discomfort in the admission, but Elizabeth could not make out why he should feel that way. “I have simply been enjoying nature and riding my horse. I am certain I shall come out of my seclusion soon enough, but for now, I am content remaining unknown.”

A memory of the pridefulness he displayed during his proposal made itself known in her mind, and she said, “Are you concerned that our neighbors might not be up to your standards?”

“Not in the least,” he said feelingly. “I have learned my lesson quite well enough on that front. No, it is more that I am exceedingly awkward among strangers. I never quite know what to say. I can’t seem to easily grasp the flow of conversation among people I am not familiar with. So, I have been putting it off. But I will have to get over it soon enough. Just this morning, Sir William Lucas visited Netherfield and invited my uncle and myself to a card party tomorrow evening.”

Elizabeth was sharply reminded of his awkward conversation in the early part of their friendship. Such a confession from him made that time far more understandable. It wasn’t his pride that had kept him distant, or at least not entirely his pride. Rather it was simply that he was shy.

“You need not concern yourself overmuch about that,” said Elizabeth. “My neighbors are truly kind and welcoming people. If you simply greet them, most of them will talk your ears off without you having to say much of anything. That way, you will get to know them much faster, which will make you more comfortable more quickly.”

The corner of Mr. Darcy’s mouth quirked up in a very slight smile and his eyes gained that warmth that she was so familiar with, that was only ever directed at her. “I am uncertain whether you are complimenting your neighbors or making fun of them,” he said.

“Are the two mutually exclusive?” Elizabeth replied with a grin. Then she sobered and added, “Truly, though, you have nothing to fear. Even if you say the wrong thing, my neighbors will be so awed at being noticed by someone such as you that they will think nothing of it.”

The quirk at the corner of his mouth grew until it was almost a complete smile. “Now, I can’t tell whether you are comforting me or making fun of me.” She was about to respond, but he beat her to the punch. “Of course, you will say that the two are not mutually exclusive.”

Elizabeth couldn’t help but grin. “I see you learn very quickly.”

For some reason, this caused him to lose his grin, and sadness replaced it. “Not always,” he said.

Elizabeth could only guess at his meaning, but a small part of her hoped he was referring to some kind of regret about his failed proposal. “Come now,” she said in a tone meant to cheer him up. “Let us not waste this wonderful day or this pleasant reunion with despondent maunderings. Tell me what you’ve been doing this past summer. It will be good for me to hear something of the wider world.”

“Of course,” he said, and they sat down on the old tree stump together. It was barely wide enough to hold them both, but Elizabeth tried very hard to not focus on how very near Mr. Darcy was, how their shoulders touched or how their legs bumped together occasionally.

She almost succeeded.

What followed was nearly half an hour of pleasant conversation. Mr. Darcy told her of his time at Pemberley with his sister, Georgiana. He had almost sent her to the seaside with her companion, but he found he wished for her company, so she stayed at Pemberley with him. After a month there, the companion simply disappeared one night.

Instead of hiring a new one, Mr. Darcy had taken on the care of Georgiana himself, at least for a little while. The two of them went to Eastbourne, a lesser-known seaside town, to enjoy the fresh breezes of the ocean.

When they had their fill of that place, they made their way back to Pemberley with a short stint in London where Mr. Darcy made inquiries into a new companion. He eventually found Mrs. Annesley, who had accompanied Georgiana to Bath while Mr. Darcy came here to Hertfordshire with his uncle.

With meanderings and diversions of the conversation, the entire tale took nearly half an hour to tell, but Elizabeth had never in her life spent a more pleasant half hour. Even though she knew she needed to be heading home, she found it difficult to leave this idyllic spot, made all the more pleasant by the company of the man she loved.

For she knew now that she still loved Mr. Darcy, despite their separation for months. Just this short time in his company once again brought it all back to her.

Even so, she could not stay here forever. Eventually, Elizabeth found the strength to depart. His disappointed expression, tempered by the warm affection in his eyes, stayed with her the whole way home.

Chapter 25

October 13, 1811

Bennet rested his head against the side of the carriage as he gazed out the window at the familiar landscape. His arm was cradling his very dear Esther as she dozed on his shoulder. They were approaching home.

For the first time in his life, he was loath to return. He did long for the comforts of his own bookroom, his own bed, and his own servants. Even so, returning to Longbourn meant that daily life and responsibilities would break up the perfect idyll that he and Esther had experienced over the last fortnight.

“You’re thinking too much, Thomas,” murmured Esther without even stirring.