Page 73 of The Best Thing He Never Wanted

“No. I suppose I was blaming myself.”

“Don’t.”

She almost laughed. “That sounds remarkably like an order.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

She lifted her head again.

His jaw tightened once. “You spent a long time with the man. Things get normal a little at a time. That doesn’t mean you chose where they ended up.”

She stared at him. For someone who claimed not to be good with words, he had a surprising habit of finding the ones she needed.

“I think I became smaller,” she said quietly. “Not because he asked me to. Not exactly. I just kept making room. And eventually…” She swallowed. “I suppose there wasn’t much of me taking up space anymore.”

His expression changed, but he didn’t interrupt.

“And then he died.”

Blane’s hand stilled again.

She looked away.

“I was devastated. I was. Whatever our marriage had become, he’d been part of my entire adult life. I grieved him.” She drew a breath. “But there was something else too. And I’ve never really known what to do with that.”

“What?”

She hesitated. It felt horrible to say it aloud. She’d never been able to bring herself to say it before. But… “Relief.” The word seemed to sit there between them, and she closed her eyes. “There. That sounds every bit as awful as I thought it would.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

She opened her eyes again. “Blane, my husband died and part of me was relieved.”

“Sounds like you were free.”

She stared at him. The word fit somewhere much deeper than relief had. “Yes,” she whispered.

“And Bea? That ain’t the same as being glad he died.”

Her throat tightened. “I know that logically.”

“Then know it some other way too.”

She frowned at him.

He lifted one shoulder against the pillow. “You loved him. You grieved him. And when he was gone, you were free. All three can be true.”

She swallowed. “You make it sound very simple.”

“It usually is.”

“No, Blane. It really isn’t.”

His mouth twitched. “Usually is to me.”

She laughed, although her eyes had filled. He noticed, of course, and his brows drew together.

“Oh, don’t.” She wiped quickly beneath one eye. “I’m not upset.”