Page 39 of Shattered Dreams

We spend more time than we should at his parents, doing nothing but talking. Talking about the kids, mostly, but there’s a comfort I can’t deny as Dre’s mother serves us lemonade, as Rylee and Maddox’s laughter carry through the house.

It’s nearing six when Andre’s father says they are going to take the kids to get dinner.

“You sure you boys don’t want to join us?” his mother asks,

Andre answers. “No, we’re good. In fact, I think it’s time we head out and grab dinner ourselves.”

I don’t argue with him, because I can’t deny I could use a snack. Or a drink. Maybe some ice cream.

I thank his parents for taking Maddox, who refuse to let me give them any money towards his dinner. We make our way back to his car and I watch as his parents load up our kids into their SUV, and my eyes fill with tears.

I’m not sure what it is—watching his parents treat my kid like he’s their own, or feeling like the first time in years, it’s okay to just… not be okay.

Whatever it is, it disappears the moment I feel Andre’s hand on my thigh, gently squeezing me.

“How about that new place that just opened? Rockets or something?”

Andre pulls out of the driveway as I nonchalantly wipe away my watery eyes.

What the hell is wrong with me?

If Dre notices, he doesn’t say anything, and for that I am glad.

“Sounds great,” I say, clearing my throat. His palm is warm against my leg, and it makes me feel a little better. A little less… alone, I guess.

But that’s what best friends are for, right?

Chapter Fifteen

Andre

I’m anxious and I don’t know why. I think everything that’s happened in the last few months is settling over me. All this change. Having Paul with me, the kids at my parents, and just us… I’ve been thinking a lot about things. Things I’ve never thought about before that feel weird, but not wrong.

Thoughts about Paul and how much I enjoy having him around. How something in me quiets when he’s near. How… attractive he is.

I’ve never been attracted to men before. It was always girls, and always my wife, but I guess I never thought much about it either. It’s just kind of what happened.

I’d blame the alcohol we had at dinner, but these thoughts started before that.

Before today, if I’m being honest with myself. Sometime around New York if I really had to place it. Things shifted then, and I’m not quite sure why.

And then it was like fate just kept throwing us together. This fire, it’s a tragedy, there’s no denying that. But there’s a small part of me that loves having Paul and Maddox at the house. It doesn’t feel so lonely with another adult around.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything in this world, but sometimes, you just want other human contact. And right now, I am thinking about a lot of human contact with Paul.

“You good?” he asks as he turns around, pulling the shirt down over his toned torso and shoving his left arm through the hole.

“Yeah, fine,” I say.

He narrows his eyes.

“You’ve been off all day. You sure? Is it the kids?”

“No, not the kids,” I say, finding myself gravitating toward him.

I’ve been melancholy all day, I can’t deny that.

I also can’t deny that I keep wondering what it would feel like if I hugged him. Not in a friendly way, but in a different way. How would I feel? Scratch that, how would Paul feel?