Page 111 of Ship of Smoke and Steel

“You…” Rot, rot, rot. Something is wrong with my brain. “Honestly?”

“Honestly.” She smiles cautiously. “Why are you looking at me like I just swallowed a live fish?”

“Sorry.”

“And stop apologizing.”

“Sorry,” I say, automatically, and then start laughing. Meroe laughs with me, and our fingers intertwine.

“Thank you,” she says, after a while. “For telling me what you did.”

“I felt like an idiot,” I say. “It’s not exactly an uplifting story.”

“It was your story,” she says. “That’s good enough.”

We stare at each other for a long moment. The tension has drained away, replaced by a warm feeling I can’t put a name to.

“Okay,” Meroe says. “Now that the important stuff is out of the way, do you want to explain why exactly you’re sitting in a cell waiting for execution?”

I start laughing, and when I’m finished laughing I tell Meroe everything.

Somewhat to my surprise, I tell her everything. It comes spilling out of me, like pus from an infected wound, a river of ugly, stinking truth. Meroe takes it all and doesn’t flinch. I tell her about Shiro’s death, and Hagan’s. About Tori, with her perfect house and her perfect life, and what I’ve done to keep her safe. And about Kuon Naga, how he wants Soliton for his war, and how he ruined everything. Her hand tightens on mine.

Then it’s just a matter of explaining what went on between me and the Scholar, the deal we made, and what had happened between me and the Council after I’d been captured. And Hagan, of course.

“He’s a ghost?” Meroe says, her voice a squeak.

“I’m … not sure.”

“Okay.” Meroe takes a deep breath. I can’t help but think she’s dealing with this remarkably well. “And this ghost-friend of yours agrees with the Scholar that the ship is going to sail to the Vile Rot and kill us all.”

“Yes.”

“And the Scholar thinks if he can get to this Garden he can change course.”

“That’s his theory. Hagan said it wouldn’t work. But he said the Garden would protect us if we got there.”

“Right,” Meroe says. “And the Council is offering you the chance to go with him and find out. In the meantime, Zarun wants you to fight the Butcher.”

I nod. “That would get me out of the execution. But it doesn’t help us if Hagan’s to be believed.” I shake my head. “I think I have to go with the Scholar, Meroe.”

Meroe looks at me, carefully. “Then what happens to everyone else?”

“I told them I wasn’t leaving you behind.” I squeeze her hand. “I said my pack, actually, so Aifin, Jack, and Thora are welcome if they want to come.”

“But what about the others?”

“What do you mean? The rest of the Council?”

“All the people,” she says, patiently. “The crew. The ones who stay behind.”

“Maybe the Scholar can turn the ship around,” I say. “If not … I don’t know. But probably nothing good.”

“Then we can’t do that, can we?”

I stare at her. “Why not?”

“We can’t run off, save ourselves, and leave a thousand people behind to die!”