Page 127 of The Only Way Out Is Up

[Suggestion: give me up instead.]

No.

[Understanding: they are your brother and sister. I know how much they mean to you.]

No. I swallow against tears. You’re my brother, too.

[Emotion: I…]

Star doesn’t admit to emotion often. Right now, I can’t bring myself to tease him.

[Analysis:], he begins again. [If you surrender me, then he will certainly free your siblings. If you fight, you may lose me regardless, and you yourself will be in serious danger. We do not know anything about this “champion.”]

Doesn’t matter. All we have to do is win.

[Analysis: we don’t know if we even have a chance—]

There’s always a chance. I’d rather take it and fight than give up here and now.

[Remonstration: but…]

Are you saying you won’t fight?

[Affront: of course I will fight!]

Then so will I.

I meet Alzimyth’s gaze and raise my voice.

“I’ll do it,” I tell him. “With one condition.”

The knight narrows his eyes. “And what might that be?”

“We fight up there.” I point upward, at the sunlamps, at the cap overhead. Toward the stars. “Whatever happens, I want to see the sky.”

FORTY

Medical care on Hod might be better than what we have down in the Heap, but as doctors close in around me I find myself missing Ameliana’s familiar touch. I lie on the table, close my eyes, and try not to think. Thoughts from Star hover at the edge of my consciousness, but I shut them out, push him away.

Maybe the doctors will make a mistake, puncture a lung, stab me through the heart. If I could just die, that would solve everything, wouldn’t it?

I don’t die. They patch me up, pump me full of medicine—injections, stabbing someone to heal them, what a bizarre concept—and leave me in a strange twilight of dulled pain and muzzy thoughts. Bradley tells me that Ky has retreated to her room and suggests I might call on her, but I push him aside and stumble to the workshop instead.

Tomorrow. Alzimyth has given me until tomorrow. I’ve lost most of the day already, and I haven’t even started. Star sits in his stall, sulking, and I open my mind to him again.

Get up on the table. We’ve got work to do.

He doesn’t move. [Unhappiness: you blocked me out.]

I’ve never done that before. I didn’t know I could do it, honestly.

Sorry. I was in a lot of pain.

[Irritation: I am aware of that. I was attempting to help.]

I— My hands curl on the edge of the table. I know. I just—

[Reminder: I care about them, too.]