Page 129 of The Only Way Out Is Up

“It is, actually. How did you—”

“Because it’s bullshit.” I struggle free of her arms and get to my feet, my bruised legs screaming. “It’s the kind of thing the people at the top say to make themselves feel better, because they know it’ll never happen to them.”

“Fuck you,” Ky shoots back. “It happened to me!”

“And you didn’t just lie back and accept it, did you? You knew who was responsible, and you risked everything to get your hands on him.”

“Because I knew it was just Gestian!” she says hotly. “He’s not from Above, he’s just… just some guy who’s good with a sword. I don’t have to accept him.”

“But he told you his orders came from Above, so now you’re giving up?” I snort. “You’re not as strong as I thought you were.”

“I…” She blinks rapidly. “We’re not talking about me. And I’m not telling you to give up, just to forgive yourself. Whatever happens—”

“It’s the will of Above. Not ours to question.” I snort. “Leave me alone. I’ve got work to do.”

I eat the soup and the buttery mashed potatoes. They’re so good I want to cry all over again.

[Observation: Ky is correct.]

Don’t you start. I feel his offense and sigh. Fine. About what?

[Analysis: you need to rest.]

You’re not finished. I’ve got the worst of the structural damage banged out and the two legs replaced, but there are still dozens of popped sigils to swap out, not to mention the BLASTs to rebuild.

[Projection: if you collapse from exhaustion, my state will not matter. My sigils are redundant. I will be able to function like this.]

Shit. He’s not wrong. The tools keep going fuzzy in front of my eyes. I need to at least rebuild a BLAST if we’re going to have a chance.

[Analysis: in the morning. You will be faster after some sleep.]

I lean back in my chair, letting my heavy eyes slip shut.

What if it’s not enough?

[Projection: then we will lose. He swore he would release your family regardless.]

And he’ll take you away. Forever.

[Discomfort: I would be unhappy. You would be unhappy. But, as you said, we will have fought.]

Yeah. I force myself to my feet. You’re right. I’m going to bed.

[Instruction: you must speak to Ky.]

What? Why?

[Repetition: because she was right, and she was trying to help. You need to forgive yourself.]

She… doesn’t think I can win. That’s what all that stuff about irresistible powers boils down to. She thinks this is suicide, even if she won’t say it.

[Falsehood: she has faith in you. But she is scared. It is a failing of you meat creatures. Talk to her.]

I grunt noncommittally and stumble to the door. Having lived here for a week now, I only take two wrong turns on the way back to my room. Outside the sunlamps are completely dark, and the hall lanterns are turned down to glow only faintly. When I reach my room, warm light still spills from the crack under Ky’s door.

I knock before I can think twice about it.

“Go away, Bradley,” Ky says.