Page 21 of The Christmas Star

‘Well, you can blame my daughter for that.’

I cocked my head. ‘No, you can’t!’ I hadn’t once mentioned social media to Mum.

‘She keeps nagging me to put myself out there. Telling me I need to meet new people.’

‘In real life, Mum. Not on the internet.’

‘Now don’t get me wrong, Erin has a point.’

‘Good of you to say,’ I replied.

‘But it’s all right for her, she’s young.’

Too hot, too cold or just right, as with Goldilocks and her preferred porridge, Mum’s assessment was subjective. What she called young, Callum considered past it.

‘But people my age are either dead…’ Maeve continued, ‘…or living on borrowed time. Not something a woman of seventy-nine like me needs reminding of. Especially when I’ve not long buried my husband. And while we’ve all heard the joke about funerals being social occasions for us old folk, black’s never been my colour.’ She put a hand up to her chest. ‘It drains me.’

I let out a laugh. Mum had always had a deadpan sense of humour. I just hoped it translated to her audience otherwise, like Joyce in her naivety, Mum could be in for a rough ride.

‘I also keep thinking about Derek. I can’t help it. We were together for fifty odd years, married for most of them. We did everything together.’

‘Oh, Mum.’

‘I never ever dreamt I’d have to build a life without him, and it probably sounds daft, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to.’

‘That doesn’t sound daft at all.’

‘It feels disloyal somehow.’ As Maeve turned pensive, the shine in her eyes dulled. ‘Then there’s the part that doesn’t know how. Where do I even start? I’m so used to doing everything as a twosome, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to just think of me. To do things without having to consider someone else.’ She gathered herself. ‘Anyway, Erin thinks I should join the senior citizen’s club. Don’t get me wrong, if that works for you, then brilliant. It’s just not for me. And while Erin might not understand that, Derek would. If things were the other way round, he wouldn’t be happy with Wednesday afternoon dominoes either. He and I were two peas in a pod.’

Seeing Mum’s eyes water up and listening to her heartfelt words, I wondered if I’d been too pushy? Because it was all right for me. A life on my own had been a choice. Mum, however, had been forced into a new order and navigating a future without Dad had to be scary.

‘Not that me and Derek never had a cross word, mind,’ Maeve carried on. ‘If I said we didn’t, I’d be lying. I mean, I’ve still not forgiven him for leaving me. I’ve told him off that many times, wherever he is, his ears must be burning.’ Maeve pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. ‘But what I can say is, I was lucky.’

‘You sure were.’ As bad as Mum, tears started for me too and swiping at them with my sleeve, I pictured Mum and Dad together.

‘Derek was a good man. A good husband. And talk about funny. The two of us did laugh. When he passed away, it was as if a part of me was buried with him. Derek would say one of my legs. Why else would I be stuck indoors all the time?’ She mopped her eyes again. ‘In my defence, he always was more energetic than me.’

I chuckled.

‘Mornings were the worst. All I’d want was a quiet cup of tea. To gently wake up to the world. Not a lot to ask, is it? But how can you do that when someone’s wittering on about plans for the day, deciding what we need from the shops, and asking where I want the new shelf he’s going to put up. I wouldn’t have even had breakfast and Derek would be questioning what was for dinner that night.’ Maeve sighed wistful. ‘What I’d do to experience all that now.’

Mum wasn’t alone in that. The number of times I’d wished Dad was there too.

‘And I know if he could, Derek would say the same thing as Erin. He’d tell me to stop being silly and enjoy the time I have left.’ Maeve fell silent, as if lost in her own thoughts for a moment. ‘So…’ she said, pulling herself together. ‘…after some consideration, that’s what I’ve decided to do. I’m going to get out and about. And just as exciting, I’ll be documenting it here. A bit like a diary, if you will.’

As pleased as I felt to hear Mum was finally taking my advice, my stomach churned. When it came to having an internet presence, she didn’t have a clue what she was letting herself in for. Mum was opening herself up to all sorts of weirdos. Her DMs would be full of American generals and doctors calling her dear. They’d ask her for Grandma’s maiden name and enquire about her first pet; information that Mum, in her naivety, would readily give and before she knew it her bank account would be emptied. Once she hit their algorithm, catfishes and scammers were going to rub their hands and possibly their… ‘Oh, no.’ I swallowed hard. Social media was unforgiving once you got on the wrong side of it and having been a victim of unsolicited dick pictures myself, I felt sick on Mum’s behalf.

‘With a little help from my friend Jackson,’ Maeve continued. ‘Jackson, come and say hello…’

Maeve’s young neighbour appeared on screen. He flicked his overgrown fringe from his eyes and gave Mum’s audience a swift one-one movement wave. ‘Hi there,’ he said.

I frowned as Jackson stepped back out of view. Mum might’ve been the star of the show, but as far as I was concerned, that didn’t mean he was off the hook.

‘Is that it?’ Maeve appeared disappointed. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?’ She paused to listen. ‘What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with your hair.’ She listened some more. ‘Sorry. Yes. Back to TickyTok.’

If Mum had to sign up to an app the least she could do was use its proper name. I shook my head. ‘Tell me you’re new to social media, without telling me you’re new to social media.’

Maeve fidgeted in her seat. ‘Now don’t worry. We won’t be boring you with the likes of chair exercise and basket weaving. Jackson and I are going big.’