Page 45 of The Christmas Star

‘There are no problems,’ Theo said with a smile. ‘Only solutions.’

I stared at the man, wondering why he suddenly sounded like Callum. ‘We’re in a foreign country, on Christmas Eve, with no bed for the night. I’d say that’s a big problem.’

Theo smiled and tossed his banana skin into a nearby bin. ‘Come on.’ He headed for the car passenger seat. ‘Your turn to drive.’

I closed my eyes and wishing I had Theo’s confidence, took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Pulling myself together and dragging my feet as I went, I got behind the wheel ready for the next leg of our journey.

* * *

Much to my surprise, I found the drive relaxing. Compared to British roads which were chock-a-block even during the holidays, the French network seemed deserted. With my phone in the dashboard holder, I followed the satnav with ease and while Theo dozed in the passenger seat, I oohed and aahed over the little French towns and villages we passed through.

There was an olde worlde charm to France’s rural settlements with their ancient stone houses, spired churches, cosy cafés and delightful boulangeries. Full of history and character, they seemed to represent a life of simplicity and after the couple of days I’d had, escaping the rat race had never felt so appealing. Every time I saw a For Sale sign, I imagined myself packing up in the UK and moving in.

It had been a while since our pit stop and feeling uncomfortable, I fidgeted in my seat. I glowered at the empty bottle of water on the dashboard shelf and wishing I hadn’t drunk it, tried to ignore my aching bladder. As I glanced around, with nothing but fields as far as the eye could see, I knew if I didn’t want to wet myself, I’d have to find a loo soon and, squinting at my phone screen, was relieved to see a village just off to the west.

I spotted a cross junction just ahead and flicking on the car indicator, I turned left. Leading to goodness knew where, the new road seemed to go on forever and being narrower than the one I’d left behind, I realised I’d made the wrong decision. Hoping to see a roundabout, I didn’t want to risk doing a three-point turn. Lady luck hadn’t been on my side of late and despite the Smart car’s tiny size, there was a big probability I’d reverse its back wheels into the roadside ditch. I looked at the satnav again, concerned to see we were veering away from the on-screen village, but with another left turn coming up, I slowed to take it, sure that would right us.

Panic set in as it became clear my action had done no such thing and we were venturing further into the middle of nowhere. Both my brain and bladder hurt. Wishful thinking on my part, I took another turn, but that only made the situation worse. Wooded areas lined our route, blocking me from seeing anything other than the long road ahead. My bladder screamed and in sheer desperation, I slammed on the brakes.

Theo woke with a start as the car wheels locked and screeched against the tarmac. ‘What the…?’ he said, as the car came to sudden stop and we were both thrown backwards.

With no time to spare, I shoved the gearstick into neutral and, reaching into the passenger footwell, retrieved my handbag. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this,’ I said, frantically pulling out a tissue and opening my car door. ‘Please don’t tell anyone.’ I climbed out of the vehicle and fast looked up and down the road. Relieved to see no one else there to witness my fall from grace, I unzipped my jeans and ducked down. My whole body relaxed as I weed for England.

Tidying myself up, I got back into the car and reaching into my bag for a second time, pulled out a packet of wet wipes. Opening it, I used one to clean my hands and one to wrap the tissue in. ‘Sorry about that,’ I said, stuffing both into my jeans pocket to properly dispose of later. ‘I couldn’t wait any longer.’

Theo glanced my way, his expression confused. ‘Where are we exactly?’

‘I was trying to find that village.’ I pointed to the map on my phone screen. ‘I was hoping there’d be a loo.’

‘What village?’

I snatched my mobile from the holder and frowned. ‘I don’t understand. We can’t have gone that far off track.’ I looked to Theo. ‘Well wherever it is, we still have to get there. My bladder might be empty, but I still need coffee.’ I saw a flash of colour from the corner of my eye, and turning my head, saw a man in a fluorescent high-vis jacket step out from the trees. ‘Maybe he can help.’ I opened my window. ‘Excuse me,’ I called out.

As the man stepped forward, my eyes widened. I’d never come face to face with a gun before and staring at the rifle he carried I felt too intimidated to speak.

Theo chuckled. ‘Don’t worry. He’s just a hunter.’

‘And you know this how?’ I asked.

The man smiled. ‘Bonjour, madame. Puis-je vous aider?’

Telling myself he seemed friendly enough, I forced myself to relax. ‘We’re trying to get to the village,’ I said.

‘Désolé, madame. Je ne comprends pas.’

‘The. Vill. Age.’ I raised my voice and just like PC Smithers, sounded every syllable.

‘He’s French, not deaf,’ Theo said. ‘Let me sp–’

I put up a hand to silence him. ‘I think I can handle this, thank you very much.’

‘The Lo. Cal. Vill. Age.’

The man shrugged his shoulders.

Reaching for my phone, Theo tapped on its screen. ‘All you have to do is…’

Wondering why all the interruptions, I flashed him a look and taking the hint, Theo put his hands up in surrender. I tried to recall my schoolgirl French. ‘Où est le café?’ I asked. Aware my accent sounded worse than Mum’s, I ignored Theo’s sniggers.