Page 78 of Matteo

“I don’t think it’s me he likes as much as the idea that I'm the lone woman down here.”

“There's a lot to like.”

The colour rises in her cheeks and for a moment neither of us says anything.

“I mean it,” she says, after a while. “I don't want to lose this job.”

Something clicks into place.

This isn't about my father. It isn't about office gossip. It's about everything she fought to get here.

The contracts. The clients. The credibility. The chance she finally took on herself.

Not just being a woman in a male-dominated sector, but because of how she got here. I feel a knot in my throat thinking of the schoolgirl who loved school and the computer club that was her escape. I finally understand her fear and what she's risking.

“You won't lose it,” I promise.

“How can you know that?”

“Because I won't let that happen.”

Her gaze holds mine and for once, she doesn't argue. “Okay,” she says softly.

Reluctantly, I take a step back. “Go home, Elizabeth.”

That beautiful mouth of hers curves into a smile. “You first.”

I chuckle. “Bossy.”

“Apparently.”

Still smiling, she turns back to her desk, and I head for my office before I do something stupid.

***

Elizabeth doesn't come into work the next day, and when I ask the guys if anyone’s heard from her, Joel looks at me like I’m to blame.

It’s so obvious that he likes Elizabeth. Equally obvious that he hates that she likes me. But it has me wondering if I’ve crossed a line I shouldn’t have.

She looked so worried yesterday when Joel interrupted us. Too worried. She’s so afraid of losing this job and she didn’t just voice that concern once. It was a few times.

As if that would ever happen.

I’m starting to wonder if she hasn’t come into work today because she can’t face me. I've been thinking about what she said, about how she needs her resume to look good. That's not something me or my brothers ever have to worry about. We could fuck up big-time, and we'd still have a job. The old man wouldn’t fire us. He might demote us if we’d really messed up, but we’d still be comfortable and taken care of. We wouldn't have to worry about losing our job, or the consequences of that. We wouldn't be homeless, or go hungry, or fall apart.

Through conversations with the guys under me, I understand what it means to have work, but understanding Elizabeth's fear makes me acutely aware of how relatively easy my life has been. Even though the old man’s secret double life upended both families, we still had a roof over our heads, and we’ve never known poverty or all the hardship that comes from it.

Elizabeth is different to most people I know. She grew up in foster homes and her life must have been terribly hard. While we’ve been traumatized by our childhood, about discovering that the man who was our father had a secret family, it pales in comparison to her childhood. She went into foster care system at an age when I was still playing with my toys.

How the fuck does a child cope with being sent away from the only home they’ve ever known? With being separated from their parents? With being sent into new, unfamiliar, and possibly scary places with strangers?

And now that she hasn't come into work, I’m starting to worry that I've scared her off. That she regrets what happened last night. What almost happened. What if she no longer wants to work here? It’s something I can’t bear to think about.

A meeting with Alex and the developers steals my attention, but when I return to my desk I find a note on my computer screen. From Joel. He tells me that Elizabeth called in sick.

Jesus.

She must be really sick, and she doesn't have anyone looking out for her, apart from the old couple. I close my office door and call her.