Page 64 of Lust and Honor

My mind drifts years into the past. Back to the night I got it.

Without lifting my head from his shoulder, I answer quietly.

“I was ten. My father was beating my mother, like he always did. I attacked him, and he threw me into the glass coffee table in the living room. The table shattered, and a piece of glass went into my arm.”

I hear him take a deep breath and feel his muscles tighten beneath my cheek.

His hand slides higher until it reaches my shoulder.

I don’t know if it’s the calming sound of the water or the warmth of Maxim’s body, but my mind feels safe enough to wander through the past.

The words leave me before I can stop them.

“Sometimes I still remember her eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes in the world. Even when there was a knife buried in her chest and the life was already gone from them… they were still beautiful.”

His hand tightens slightly on my shoulder.

“I’m sure they were.”

Pain burns at the back of my throat.

“She didn’t deserve to die like that.”

He presses his forehead against my hair and wraps his arms around me tighter.

“No, Ava, she didn’t. No mother should die in front of her kid, and no kid should have to watch their mother die.”

His voice grows rougher, heavier.

“You never should’ve seen that kind of violence at that age. You never should’ve had to find your way through this world alone and terrified.”

My eyes burn, but I force the tears back.

“I can’t change what happened to you. But I swear to you right now, our daughter will never grow up afraid. She’ll never know that kind of darkness.”

He pulls me tighter against him. “I’ll protect her with my life, Ava.”

He pauses for a moment before continuing more firmly, “Both of you. Those dark days are over.”

His arm slips around my waist, like he’s about to lower me back into the water, but I instinctively cling tighter. He dips his face in the crook of my neck, whispering, “Trust me. Relax your body. I’ve got you.”

His voice is so soft, so steady, my tense muscles start to loosen without permission. Trusting him is still terrifying, but I close my eyes and surrender myself to his hold. One of his arms moves behind my back, the other rests gently over my chest, guiding me to lie on the water. Instinctively, I grab onto his bicep.

The pressure on my chest eases as his other hand slides under my knees. He’s got me fully stretched out on the water now. Even though I’m practically in his arms, my nails dig into his flesh.

After a long moment, I hear his voice: “Open your eyes.”

The first thing I see is the tattoo of a woman with flowing hair on his chest. He’s moved us to a shallower part, his chest now partially exposed. He nods upward. “Look.”

My eyes widen with awe at the ceiling, made to resemble a tiny galaxy with thousands of tiny, twinkling stars. It’s breathtaking, like lying under a real night sky. Maxim starts to move, gently walking through the water, spinning us in slow circles. I feel the pressure of his fingers on my body and, without thinking, let go of his arm, and I float. I let him guide me, like a lost boat, drifting wherever he wants.

It’s as if a portal opens in that tiny galaxy above, drawing out all the pain I’ve carried for years. I don’t resist. I let it all go—the fear and hatred for my father, the grief weighing on my heart from my mother’s death, the maddening longing that’s been breaking me down for years. The worry for the future, the regret for the past. I release everything and feel weightless.

For the first time in my life, I feel at peace. I’m not alone anymore. Whatever pain or danger lies ahead, I know I won’t have to face it by myself. Someone has my back, someone far stronger than me and my enemies. For the first time in two years, I’m certain that if something happens to me, Aurora will have the best life a girl could dream of.

I break free from the invisible chains that have shackled my body and soul for years. I feel a peace I didn’t know could exist. But then, a wave of pity and sorrow for myself closes that portal of light. It’s like I’m only now realizing the crushing weight I’ve carried all these years. How I’ve dragged myself through it all, blind to the possibility of feeling this... free.

My whole life flashes before me like a film on fast-forward, and the memory of all the pain I’ve been through makes my heart heavy. Tears well in my eyes, streaming down my cheeks like rain, endless and unstoppable.