Page 67 of Pucking Forbidden

“You got lucky,” she murmurs.

I can’t argue with that. “Yeah, I did.”

Our gazes meet, and the space between us seems to shrink. The air grows heavy with something…I’m not sure what. Neither of us moves. Hadley’s eyes hold mine, reflecting the warm, dim light of the kitchen. My stare drops down to her mouth, tracing the soft swell of her lower lip, before rising back up to lock onto hers.

The tension in the room thickens so fast it's almost suffocating. The sound of the TV fills the silence that stretches between us. I can hear the shallow catch in her breath, can see the slight, tells-all pulse fluttering at the base of her throat. Every single instinct I have is screaming at me to reach over and wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her into me.

For a long, agonizing second, I think she wants me to.

Forcing myself to break the spell before I do something irreversible, I pull my gaze away and exhale a shaky breath.

Needing a distraction, I absently check my phone for the time and am surprised to realize just how late it is.

“Oh, shit,” I mutter. “It’s almost ten…I should get going…”

The sound of rain hitting the window startles us both, just before lightning cracks and thunder rumbles.

“Shit, when did it start storming?” Hadley gasps.

I groan. Fuck, driving this late in a storm isn’t my favorite thing to do, but I suppose I don’t have a choice…

“You could stay,” she says, as if she’s reading my damn mind. “It’s pretty bad out. I’d hate for you to be out in this mess. Besides, we haven’t finished the movie.”

I shake my head, despite how tempting the offer is. I think about my nightmares and how bad they’ve been lately. I don’t want her to see the aftermath if I were to have one here. She doesn’t need to know or worry about my demons. “I really should go.”

I don’t sound all that convincing. She studies me for a second. I swear I see a flash of disappointment cross her gaze.

“Please?” she asks

I don’t respond, but I don’t move either. Neither of us do. Instead, she shifts closer, settling against me and curling into my side like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

My breath catches. I tell myself I should stop it, but I don’t. Her head rests against my chest, and we stay like that for a long time, neither of us speaking. Eventually, her breathing slows and evens out.

She’s asleep.

She feels so damn good in my arms…so small, so soft, fitting against me like she was made to be there. An agonizing wave of need twists in my chest, tearing me apart from the inside out. Until tonight, I’d been doing a masterpiece of a job lying to myself, compartmentalizing her as just a friend.

Holding her like this in the quiet, dark room, with the rain drumming a frantic beat against the glass? The lie is disintegrating. I can’t ignore it anymore. I am so far gone for this girl that it terrifies me, and the terrifying part is how much I don't want to pull away. I want this. I want her. Every protective instinct, every selfish desire I’ve ever suppressed is clawing its way to the surface, begging me to just stay.

I should wake her up and leave. I don’t. I suppose I could just relax here for a bit longer. Maybe close my eyes for a few minutes and just enjoy having her so close to me.

There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll just rest a little bit…no big deal…

I’m back there. I don’t realize it at first.

Not until it’s already happening.

“Mommy, please don’t go!”

“Daddy, no! Stop! Don’t hit me again!”

I jerk awake, breath coming sharp, the sound ripping out of me before I can stop it.

Hadley is kneeling on the couch next to me, her hands gripping my arms and her eyes wide.

“Julian!” she gasps. “Are you okay?”

Fuck, this is exactly what I wanted to avoid.