Page 19 of Catching Sparkles

As I sat up, my breath shuddered out in pure relief as I noticed a piece of paper on the coffee table, right next to my glasses. I didn’t remember taking those off. He must have done it. As I slipped them on, I wished a plane would fall out of the sky and land on me. There was ibuprofen and a bottle of water set there as well, which I gratefully utilized, chugging most of the water in one go after swallowing the pills. My hangover wasn’t too bad, but better to nip a headache in the bud.

The paper had tiny hearts and flowers edged around the border, and the words on it had been written with glittery pink gel pen. Who the hell even owned stationery and gel pens anymore?

Had work stuff to do. If I’m not back when you wake up, feel free to use my shower. Food in microwave and drink in fridge for you. If you need to leave, lock up with my spare key and give it back to me later.

And then at the bottom, in smaller letters, like he was speaking softly for my benefit so he didn’t scare me off, P.S. - We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Ball is in your court. I won’t mention it if you don’t.

Groaning lightly, I let the paper flutter back down to the table before dragging my hands over my eyes. Of course he would be like that. It was Kendall. He’d never demand an explanation from me, or chew me out for acting like such a horny, desperate moron.

The spare key he’d referred to in his note was sitting on the table as well, with a silicone cap over the top part in the shape of a bright cherry blossom. It was like he went out of his way to make everything in his life as adorable as possible. Why did I find that so… Attractive? He was so staunchly confident in who he was, never worrying about what other people would think or how they might react to his tastes and style.

Was I actually attracted to Kendall? Or had I just gravitated toward him in my time of need because I knew he wouldn’t turn me down? Cute or not… He was a guy. I’d never been into a guy like that. Never even questioned it about myself.

His attraction to me was more than obvious, and the way he talked to me… I hadn’t been treated like that in as long as I could remember. Possibly ever. Maybe it didn’t really mean anything beyond that. Maybe I just needed the ego boost he could give me right now, and that’s why my brain had locked onto him like that. I mean… I couldn’t randomly like a guy for the first time in my life when I was almost 30, right? That wasn’t a thing that could happen.

No. That was, like… A porno thing. Not that I’d ever watched gay porn. But even having never watched it, I knew that was a popular trope. Straight guys getting randomly turned by raunchy locker room rendezvous or getting horny while snowed in with another guy or whatever. Jesus. If last night had been on film, it would be called Turned by the Twink; Blown by My Little Brother’s Best Friend.

With that unpleasant thought in my brain, I forced myself to stand up, the harrowing nausea and anxiety mostly abated by the fact that Kendall wasn’t home at the moment.

I used his bathroom, slightly dazed by his rainbow shower curtain and all the ridiculous, cutesy trinkets. When I washed my hands in the sink, the soap dispenser was in the shape of a bunny rabbit. There was a pleasant scent wafting through the whole apartment, which I quickly realized was coming from the fragrance plug-ins he had scattered throughout, all filled with a pale pink liquid.

As I made my way back through the small hallway and into the kitchen, I noticed his bedroom door was open a crack. I tamped down on the urge to peek inside, chiding myself for even considering it. Why would I have any interest in Kendall Austin’s bedroom? I didn’t. Absolutely not one iota of curiosity. And there would never be any reason for me to be in there, anyway. Ever.

I pulled open his microwave door, noting the handle was slightly loose. I’d started carrying around a simple multi-tool on my keychain since coming back from the cabin, after finding so many things there that were in need of basic repairs. His apartment was likely the same. I was somehow certain Kendall didn’t have any tools floating around this pink palace of glitter and fluff, and even if he had, he probably wouldn’t know how to use them. I spent less than a minute tightening the screws to fix the handle, absently wondering if he’d even notice, before realizing what was actually in the microwave for me.

The neatly rolled-up McDonald’s bag sent a wave of nostalgia and amusement crashing over me. Back when I’d gotten my driver’s license, Benjamin and Kendall would wake me up on Saturday mornings begging me to take them there so we could get breakfast for everyone with the money my parents would give them. I’d acted annoyed, complaining about wanting to sleep in for once, but I’d indulged them every time because I’d felt so fucking mature and sophisticated driving the kids around in the rickety little sedan I’d gotten for my 16th birthday.

When I opened the bag, the muscles in my stomach clenched briefly, before my heart did a weird, frightening flop in my chest. A creature of habit, I’d always gotten the same thing, two sausage biscuits with egg and a large OJ. And he’d remembered, right down to the two mandatory mustard packets. When I snatched open the fridge door to see the big plastic cup of orange juice with the Mcdonald’s logo on it, the straw set tidily on top, I could have sunk down to my knees and cried.

How long had it been since anyone had bothered to go out of their way for me like that? My parents didn’t count, they were basically legally required to love me. And he’d remembered everything, like it was nothing. Like it was effortless for him to be so sweet and caring and thoughtful. He’d set out pain pills and water for me, just in case I felt like shit. He was babying me and he wasn’t even fucking here.

Poor baby. That affectionate little phrase he’d mumbled against my swollen, throbbing cock bloomed back to life in my brain, nearly making me choke. Why was it so hot to be called that? Was I just craving affection and caretaking? God, how pathetic was that?

I wolfed down everything he’d gotten me, seated at the tidy little bar in his kitchen. The egg timer perched on the back of his stove was in the shape of a baby chick hatching from an egg, and his refrigerator was covered in an array of colorful, eclectic magnets. It was definitely the kind of place it should be hard to feel miserable in. I let myself fully relax, for just a minute or two, breathing in the fruity scent and soaking in the silence, surrounded by all the kitschy items that Kendall had collected to curate his adorable little apartment.

Unfortunately for me, I excelled at feeling miserable in even the most unlikely situations, so it didn’t last long before anxiety began creeping in to skitter over me like spiders. I mourned the loss of that warm, comfortable feeling before disposing of all my trash. I was starting to think I needed therapy.

Back in Kendall’s living room, I scooped up his spare key and put my shoes back on before heading out of his front door, carefully locking up behind me.

Even though I felt like the world’s biggest asshole, I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I didn’t know how long I would need to feel ready for that, but I was also acutely aware I probably wouldn’t have long. He was always randomly coming over to my parents’ house, and they were always inviting him to stuff we’d all be at. He wasn’t someone I could actually realistically avoid, but… He’d said he wouldn’t bring it up if I didn’t. Maybe if I just never said anything, and he never said anything, then we’d both forget.

I MANAGED TO avoid Kendall for nearly a week, but I couldn’t avoid the memory of his pretty green eyes peering up at me from between my legs while he’d been sucking my cock. Thoughts of his cute face and his tight, lean body plagued me but that was just because that blowjob was the only action I’d gotten in years. It was the only explanation. Of course if he was the only person who’d touched my cock in forever, he was the one my mind would wander to when I was jerking off. Which seemed like all the time lately.

It was funny, in the last few years of my marriage, after Hailey and I had started sleeping in separate bedrooms, my libido had shriveled away to basically nothing. Coming back to Cherryvale had magically reawakened it, which was not exactly a blessing, given my situation. Brie was interested in going out with me again, along with a couple other women who’d been attempting to reconnect with me, but I was still on the fence about all that. The date I’d gone on had been a disaster, and it had only made everything feel worse.

As was the usual occurrence as soon as summer hit, my dad was grilling out on the deck while my mom fixed up picnic-style sides in the kitchen. Benjamin and Josie had just arrived to have dinner with us too, greeting me with the usual hugs and small talk.

“Kendall isn’t coming?” My mom asked, voicing the question I’d been sweating over for hours but hadn’t known how to inquire about gracefully. I’d been absent for a decade, but I was quickly picking up how things seemed to go around here. Kendall’s name was permanently stamped on the invite list for any and all family and family-adjacent events.

“He said he has work stuff to catch up on,” Benjamin said easily, before slipping out through the glass door to hang out with our dad.

“Busy bee,” Mom commented with a sigh, while I tried to decide whether I was relieved or disappointed by his absence.

Wait. Did he really have work stuff, or was he avoiding me too? Fuck. Was I making it hard for him to see my parents? They were basically the only family he had. Had I screwed things up for him even worse than I’d thought?

“Work stuff?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“Mm, yeah,” Josie responded. “I guess he does a bunch of extra content on his socials for pride month and all that.”