Page 24 of The Editor’s Choice

“That sounds perfect,” I say, leading us toward my Audi before opening her door and ushering her inside. The drive is quick, no more than five minutes, but the silence is strained. I have no clue what happened on the walk to the car, but the air between us is undeniably chilled suddenly. Pulling into the parking lot, I open her door before leading us inside.

“I was surprised to see the note on my door honestly,” I start after we ordered drinks and entrees. “I wasn’t expecting you to want to talk after last night.”

“That makes two of us,” she begins, making sure to lock her gaze with mine. “But I figured I deserved an explanation after the bullshit you pulled on me last night. So, here we are. Waiting for an explanation.” Her hands are folded on the table, a look of impatience on her gorgeous face.

“Right. About that,” I procrastinate. I was hoping to lead the date with basically any conversation other than this one. With a knot in my stomach, I continue. “I don’t really have a good explanation for last night. We were both obliterated from the alcohol. I thought maybe we shouldn’t push it too far and regret anything in the morning,” I say honestly, even if a few key details are left out.

“Yeah, because we definitely aren’t adults or anything. Absolutely couldn’t make a decision like that while intoxicated and having a good time,” she responds, sarcasm dripping while her eyes are rolling. “If you thought you’d regret it, you could’ve just led with that. I’m a big girl. I could handle it.” She starts to stand but the waitress appears with our food, blocking her temporarily inside the booth.

“Thank you,” I say absently. When she’s left the table, I turn my attention back to Jade. “That wasn’t what I meant at all and you know it. There’s no way I would have ever regretted anything with you.”

“I don’t feel like I really know anything about you at this point, Roman. You give all the hints. All the clues are there, but any time we get close, you flip out and leave me totally bewildered. Nothing about you makes any sense.” I can feel the frustration radiating off of her in waves, the fury barely beneath the surface.

“I know. I’m sorry,” I state, the apology sincere. “I’ve been struggling lately. Inside my own head.” I know the explanation sounds more like an excuse, but it’s the honest to God truth about the situation. “I’m not a good man, Jade. That’s the truth of it. I’ve done some really terrible things in the past, and there’s no guarantee that I won’t do more terrible things in the future. I’ve always had my reasons, but that doesn’t make it any less grotesque.”

“It should be my decision to make, Roman. You don’t have the right to make that for me,” she states, exasperated.

“You’re right. It should have been your decision, but I was doing what I felt was right at the time. I don’t want you to get involved and then end up hurt in the end. Being with me isn’t easy, especially when it comes to my past.” I let the silence hang in the air, allowing her time to process everything. She doesn’t have a clue what she’s trying to get herself into.

“Then why don’t you explain it all to me? Tell me what it is that makes being with you so fucking difficult. Why can’t I handle it? Why do you get to make that choice for me?” Her voice is rising, shaking with every word now. If looks could kill, I’m pretty confident I’d be making my way into the afterlife right about now.

“This isn’t something I can really discuss, Jade. Remember when I said you’d just have to trust me? Well, this is what I was meaning. You just have to trust me here. The people I worked for are not all good people. They’re heartless. Vile. Ruthless.” I reach across the table, using a finger to turn her chin slightly so I can make eye contact. It’s imperative that she sees how serious this really is. Getting mixed up with me could easily be a life or death situation for her if anything ever went wrong.

Within seconds, she breaks the contact, picking at her food absentmindedly. Anything to avoid having to face the reality sitting before her.

My phone is vibrating in my pocket, drawing my attention away from her. Sara’s name is flashing across the screen, but I choose to ignore it for now, wanting to continue this conversation. Hitting ignore, I place my phone on the table before taking one of her hands in mine.

“Talk to me,” I prod gently. “Tell me how you’re feeling right now.”

“Frustrated. As fuck. I don’t understand any of what you’re telling me, which is next to nothing. I don’t even know you. How am I supposed to trust you on something like that?

“Also,” she continues. “Why in God’s name do I even care? Like I just said. I don’t even really know you. I shouldn’t care if you say we shouldn’t be together. Nothing has happened between us at all. But, I do know there’s some sort of chemistry here. Something keeps drawing me back into you, regardless of how many times it gets shut down. It’s cliché as hell, but I’ve never felt like that about somebody before and I’m determined to figure it out.” The look on her face makes it absolutely clear that she has no intention of giving in and letting this go easily.

My phone buzzes again, but this time with a text instead.

We need to talk. ASAP.

“I’m so sorry. I really need to make a phone call. I’ve got something that needs to be taken care of immediately. Can I see you later tonight?” I ask, my stomach suddenly churning as a sour feeling settles in deep inside me.

“You’re ditching me on our date?! What the fuck, Roman. I thought we might actually have a real shot at working something out here. Seeing if there is something real between us. But I was obviously fucking delusional. Fuck off,” she says, standing from the table and rushing for the front door of the café.

Fuck.

I leave a hundred on the table to cover the bill and shrug on my jacket before making my way to the door as well. Once outside on the street, Jade is nowhere to be found, of course. I definitely blew it this time, but maybe it’s for the best anyway, I think for the second time recently.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter to myself, frustrated beyond belief. I hit dial, wondering what’s so urgent and hoping it was worth ruining any chance I had with Jade. After an eternity, she picks up the call.

“We need to meet. Now. I need you to see this,” she says, diving right in. She sounds spooked to say the least. “Where is your apartment? I’m not doing this in public.”

I quickly give her the address, sliding into the driver’s seat and starting the car. As I pull out into traffic, I can’t help the uneasy feeling that settles over me. I haven’t heard Sara sound quite like that before. Something is really getting under her skin, but she doesn’t seem the type to be easily rattled.

I barely remember the drive home, focused intently on getting here as fast as possible. It’s only a minute or two before I hear a knock at the door. Once inside, Sara makes herself comfortable at the island, spreading out her laptop, phone, and notebook. She flips it open to a page with haphazard information doodled across it.

“Listen,” she begins. “I need to know everything you know about this Jade girl. She’s the one you’re trying to help, right?”

“Yeah. Emily was her best friend from childhood. Murdered in cold blood a few weeks ago. I just want to help her figure out who did it,” I explain, glossing over all the fine details. We’ve been over everything nearly a million times at this point. She knows the information inside and out.

“And you don’t think she would have any motivation to do it herself?” The question lingers between us, awkward and uncomfortable.