Page 19 of Prey It By Ear

The twins nod, looking at everyone with shame on their faces. Finally, Fitz says, “Felix has wanted to take the throne to change this our entire lives, especially after we convinced Nonna to take Chessie in. Being exiled was even harder on him because he knew the current Raj would never, ever stop this shit, and he could never get our people out of that business or help the wild preds living in that hellhole. That’s why he drank; his love for the prey woman made him compromise his future plans to save everyone.”

Goddamn, I knew the Raj was sullen, but I didn’t know he had a much better reason than any of us to be a functioning alcoholic—now I almost feel bad.

* My friends

* Little rabbit

* Honest

* The children

We’ll Deal With You Later

Delores

No one speaks, but I get up, walking over to Felix to lean down and put my hands on his face as I say, “You can’t control what others do or say, no matter how much you’d like to. The only people who will get the karma they deserve are the ones who did the evil deeds, and those who followed along blindly, Felix Khan. Blaming yourself for not being able to stop adults who know better is insane, and you’re lucky you didn’t drink yourself into a damn grave. How would that have punished them? Not a bit—in fact, they would have claimed another victim.”

Chessie coughs, murmuring, “We tried to tell him that for years.”

I turn to look at my gentle, damaged cheetah with a soft smile. “I’m sure you and Fitz did, baby. You’re good brothers to him, and you love him as much as you love each other. But even with support, trauma as you three went through is not solved by absolution from others. It needs to be forgiven first by Felix; he has to admit to himself that he couldn’t have done anything to stop them nor would he have survived trying. That would have put you, Fitz, Nonna, and fuck knows who else in danger, you know?”

“That’s true!” Fitz says as his eyes widen, and he wags a finger at his twin. “Our dickhead dad would have cut a swath of terror across the entire island to get vengeance if his golden heir stood up to him. Look what he did when you refused to follow a dumb marriage pact, Felix. Overreaction to the millionth degree and now everyone on Bloodstone is so fucked.”

My Crazypants gets it—if only he can get his brother to say it out loud.

“Raj, our lunchable is correct in her assumptions. I, too, left under the shroud of a scandal that should not have been punishable by the exile they gave me. It was entirely unwarranted, and that fact has chafed from the moment I took flight. I’ve never been able to forgive my clash for their very un-dragon-like behavior in voting for my parents to send me away. But that is my choice, and I’m aware that it is probably the wrong one. You are determined to have everyone else believe your delusion and shame you for it.”

Renard sits up, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I agree with Flames and ma petite. Hell, even Fitz is making sense, mon ami. You need to let go of the guilt of your inner child, especially if Chester has expressed his disagreement with your version of the story. It was his tragedy, and he does not hold you accountable for the actions of your abusive family. Continuing to do this to yourself might be considered selfish.”

The elder tiger’s eyes meet mine, and I see the question in them. “Yes, he’s right. Self-reflection is good, and unfortunately, rare, but self-flagellation is not. Beating yourself to death inside for decades about situations you had zero control over is selfish, Felix. You made the best choices you could, and Chessie is alive and well because of it. Isn’t that good enough?”

I know he’s struggling by the way his face is moving from expression to expression, but I’m not letting him get out of this.

“I…” He sighs and looks down, avoiding my gaze, so I let go of his face to drop into his lap instead. “It’s a burden I’ve carried for a long time. I can’t just… put it down, you know?”

Fitz snorts, waving his hand dismissively. “Of fucking course you can, bro. That’s the magic of free will. When our girl returned my affections without judging me, I dropped all my damn baggage and ran like hell. That’s why I stopped catting around and getting high all the time, you dumbass. I knew she was important, and I refused to let our shitty childhood fuck it up.”

Blinking, I tilt my head at him. “Really? I didn’t know that.”

The younger tiger beams smugly as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Indeed, I did, Baby Girl. I might have stalked you all summer, and left body parts, and did lots of crazy shit… but I knew I had to get my damn head right to really pursue you. You’d had too many awful, fucked-up shitbirds manipulating you in the past, and I didn’t want to be one of them—purposefully or accidentally.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Chess says with flushed cheeks. “We did a lot of sexy things to burn off his energy, but he also found other ways to get his fury about his dad, Felix’s exile, and everything else out of his system so he could be less insane. Obviously, he’s still Fitz, but he really did his best to unfuck his brain when he was courting you.”

Holy Athena’s ass-stick… I didn’t think Fitz could shock me anymore, but here we are.

Felix frowns, his arms going around me as he asks his brother, “Why didn’t you say anything? I would have tried to help.”

“That’s the point, bro! You couldn’t help because you were not ready to let go of your pain. I knew you were still nursing it, and when our girl agreed to date us all, then Z said we were mates? Man, that was so much for you to accept, and the hits have just kept on coming since, dude. I couldn’t tell you to get over yourself, when people were trying to kill or kidnap us.”

Aubrey laughs, shaking his head. “I fear you’d be waiting until eternity if that was your scale, Fitzgerald.”

“No shit,” I mutter, and they all look at me. I shrug, sighing heavily before I add, “Guys, we have so many enemies that we can’t even focus on them all. We have to triage the people we deal with and the ones we endure. Fitz could kill off assholes from now until the next decade and he wouldn’t get them all, probably. It’s a never-ending river of bullshit we’re trying not to drown in.”

Maybe not the most eloquent description, but they definitely get my point.

“I suppose that’s true,” Felix rumbles as his arms tighten on my waist. “We’ll eventually even the score on Bloodstone, but it won’t change what happened. Nothing can change the past, especially vengeance fulfilled.”

My lips curve up, and I look down at him. “Which is about me, you sneaky former king-in-waiting, I know. However, I’m not looking for vengeance to change the past; I want Lucille and the others to pay their karmic debt for how they treated me. Probably not completely healthy, either, but it means I don’t have to dig two graves, you know?”