Page 21 of Yearning

“I cannot be chasing after a brood in my seventies, but one or two, with your eyes? We’d get them puppies.”

She laughed, looking up at him, feeling something welling within her, some sort of longing for whatever it was this man would give her. He would be easy and good and he would adore her, and he would be sort of like a cross between a husband and a father. Perhaps that was perverse, but perhaps all she wanted was to be taken care of, truly, and she had been so strong for so long for Mr. Darcy, and she was ever so tired, and… “I like puppies.”

He held her gaze. “I am not taking this as some kind of acceptance, do not worry, madam. But you may take it as an open offer. If you decide to take me up on it, I would be overjoyed. However, I would understand if you did not, for any number of reasons, and I would never hold that against you.”

“PERHAPS SOMEONE HAS offered for me,” Elizabeth said to Colonel Fitzwilliam. They were in the entryway of the Darcy town house, both waiting for their carriages to come around. They had been with Mr. Darcy for the afternoon, and he had not apologized for the things he had said to Elizabeth the last time she had been there, but he had been contrite and quiet and asked her, if she pleased, to read to him, and had seemingly drifted off into genuine sleep as she did.

Elizabeth had not told anyone else about the baron’s proposal, if one could even call it a proposal, not even Jane. She did not know why she was telling the colonel now. He seemed safe to her in a way that nearly no one else did. Or perhaps he was already tainted, since she had said ever so many embarrassing things to him already. It did not matter what she said to the man now.

He turned to her, all astonishment. “Truly? But how could you have met anyone at all? You never go anywhere.”

“He is not the sort of man who I…” She was not sure how to put this. “He is older.”

The colonel tilted his head to one side. “Oh?”

“In certain ways, it is better,” she said. “Because he is no real competition to Mr. Darcy, since he is old enough to be my father, old enough to be my grandfather, perhaps, if he started quite young—”

“Wait a moment, how old is this man?”

“I do not know precisely,” she said. “But he is not someone I could fall in love with in the same way.”

“It sounds to me like you are trading playing nursemaid for one man for playing nursemaid for another, if he’s that old,” said the colonel, and he did not look pleased.

“You do not approve,” she said.

The colonel shrugged. “I suppose it is not up to me. Darcy is determined to be rid of you, after all, and you, well, I thought you would stick with him to the ends of the earth, but it has been rather easy for him to chase you off, it seems. Is this older man quite wealthy?”

She lifted a shoulder. “He has a title.”

“Oh, yes, well then.” The colonel was sarcastic. “I would say that I hadn’t expected it of you, but there is my cousin, and he is not a poor man.”

“It’s not about that!”

He sighed. “I am sorry, Miss Bennet. I think some part of me…”

She turned to look at him. “What?”

“Some part of me still thinks you might see me…” He shook his head. “There will be nothing between you and me, Miss Bennet, that much is entirely clear.”

“You have strenuously objected to such things,” she said.

“Yes,” he said. “And you would prefer someone who could be your grandfather to me.”

She clasped her hands together. “Well, is this a proposal from you, then, colonel?” She was sarcastic now, as well. “You have this way of saying things without actually saying them. If you truly want me, come out with it. If it was really a choice between you and—”

“No.” He shook his head. “No, it’s a disaster, you and I. Not with Darcy in the midst of it. I shan’t do that to him. You must not either.” He shook his head. “He will be devastated you are marrying someone else.”

“Except he claims it is what he wants,” she said.

“He wants you, Miss Bennet.”

“I do not know if he does or not,” she said. “I think he used to want me, but now…”

“You cannot be on about this ridiculous idea that he has lost his desire for you because he does not have a set of bollocks, madam.” The colonel winced as he said it, and he looked back behind him to see if there were any stray servants about. “Apologies. That was vulgar.”

She shrugged. “He says that he didn’t want me that way before anyway.”

“He said what?”