Page 34 of Yearning

“Could there have been handsomer or richer boys?”

“Well, he was going to be a duke,” said Darcy. “Hard to compete with that.”

“I’m sorry. Poor broken-hearted Fitzwilliam.”

“No, my heart was only a bit bruised.”

“Really? So, you never cared about her?”

“She…” He had not thought of this woman in some time. “She took charge with me in certain ways, and I liked it, I found it exciting, but I also was a bit frightened of her. She would go wild and drink too much and break things and run screaming down the streets in the midst of the night whilst not wearing all her clothes. When she left, I was a bit relieved, I suppose.”

“Yes, that sounds rather a lot.”

“I suppose I am attracted to women who are self-possessed and who carry themselves a certain way. I like a woman with a sharp tongue, I suppose.”

“Oh, this is meant for me?” She put her hand to her chest. “I have a sharp tongue?”

He smirked at her. “‘I rather wonder now at your knowing any.’”

“That was not sharp!”

“‘Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself.’”

“Oh, well, when I said that—”

“‘If I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you.’”

She cringed. “Oh, pray, don’t repeat things I said to you during the first proposal! That is entirely unfair.” She put a hand to her forehead. “Oh, whatever was wrong with me?”

“It’s all right,” he said. “As I say, I like it.”

She let out something like a moan. “Fitzwilliam, you cannot say things like that to me.”

“Can I not? I’m practically a eunuch. Whatever difficulty could you get into with me?”

Her lips parted and she gaped at him. “You… you are flirting with me.”

“No, I would not do that.”

“What about the other two women?”

“Oh, one was a strumpet, one was a widow. I was not… I have never been the sort of man who was overly preoccupied with such things. They are fine and good in their place—”

“They meaning women?”

“They meaning… the things a man does with a woman.” He shrugged. “It is odd, because I think about it more now that I cannot than I ever did when I could.”

“I think that is often the way of things.” She sighed. “At some point, I began to feel that way about children. Before I knew I could not have them with you, I barely thought of children, and then after I knew, it was all I could think of.”

“A perversity within our souls,” he said. “I am ever so sorry your husband has not gotten you with child. Especially since it’s not for a lack of trying, as I hear.”

She swatted him again. “How can you still be flirting with me as you say that?”

“I do not know. Tell me what it’s like with him.”

“What?”

“What was your wedding night like?”