Page 9 of Circus From Hell

MICHA

Arlo has been off with me ever since I pushed him away two weeks ago, and it kills me inside to see him so distant. He acts like everything’s okay, like his stepbrother, roommate, and only friend didn’t reject him, but I see the pain. He pulls away when our hands touch. He avoids looking at me for longer than a few seconds. And it’s driving me insane.

If only he knew what I felt for him.

When we reach a dark alley that doesn’t have any back doors or stragglers lying around, I stop, unable to keep my damn mouth shut any longer.

“What is it, Micha?”

As I part my lips to reply, I hear a faint jingle of bells. My head snaps to the way we came, scanning profusely for the source of the noise, and I swear I see a distant flash of green, but it’s gone in a blink.

I’m just freaked out. The circus always freaks me out.

Why I spent one of my two nights off this week going to that place, I’ll never know.

That’s a lie; I do know. Arlo’s happiness is far more important than my own discomfort.

“I hate this.”

His dark blonde eyebrows furrow. “The circus? I know. You said you’d come with me. I didn’t ask⁠—”

“Not the circus,” I groan, unable to stop myself from taking a step closer to him, my hand itching to wrap around his slender throat, to feel his soft skin. I think about that often. “This, Arlo.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean.”

Fuck, he always sounds so sweet, so scared.

I hadn’t prepared anything to say, and now I stay silent. He tilts his head, waiting for me to elaborate, staring into my eyes like he wants to delve into my soul. The air is charged, the darkness and seclusion of the area making my thoughts turn wild.

Until I push them away.

Arlo wouldn’t want me. The real me. Not forever, at least. So I can’t commit to him.

But I also can’t stop myself. I take another step, and he takes one back, hitting the wall. His eyes go wide, like he’s trapped with no escape, and I hate how my cock hardens. I despise the feelings I’m haunted by. The urge to hurt his skin so it leaves marks, to lock him in a cage so he can never leave, but Arlo is sweet and kind. He’d run for the hills if he knew the thoughts I have of him.

Fear and arousal swirl around us in a heady mix. His green eyes never stray from mine, and it’s the first time he’s looked at me properly since I pushed him away. I wish I never had. But there was no other option. Otherwise I would have let him kiss me, and I would be lost to him.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I grit out, my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides, trying to hold back from touching him.

“Like what, Micha?”

That voice. The innocent lilt behind it. It drives me fucking wild.

“Like you want to suck my big cock into that little mouth.”

His eyes go even wider, my cock hardens unbearably, and I know that if I don’t walk away right now, I’m going to make a mistake.

So, I take a step back. But the look that crosses Arlo’s face breaks me all over again, like I’m officially rejecting him for a second time.

“Fuck you, Micha,” he whispers, the words dirty and unusual from his mouth. They make me both harden behind my jeans and break internally.

I want to say something, but there’s nothing I can say. What I did wasn’t fair. I know how he feels for me, and I keep hurting him, over and over. I see his fingers curl into his palms, his chest heaving like he wants to punch me, and I must be messed up in the head to make someone like Arlo angry.

Both of us part our lips to say something, abruptly shutting them and twisting our heads to look down the alley when we hear that same faint jingle. Bells. Close by.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know,” I murmur, both of us rooted to the spot and scanning the dark area like it’ll jump out at us.