Page 80 of Heat Lightning

Now, though, after being invited into that safety with him, I knew I’d never be able to give it up.

He took my breath away. Soft and sleep-warm, with his glasses slipping down his nose and a small pool of drool on the pillow below, I almost couldn’t breathe from the overwhelming desire for this to be our every day.

The heavy weight of what that meant pressed on my chest. If I wanted Max to be mine for real, I had to tell him everything.

But what if doing so made him hate me forever?

Gently, so as not to wake him, I lifted the glasses from his face and folded them on the nightstand. He made a sleepy sound and tucked farther under the covers, but otherwise didn’t stir.

My alpha was restless. Now that the initial waves were satiated, I needed to provide for Max.

Feed him, he huffed. He needs energy for our mating.

I extricated myself from him as quietly as I could and stood. It was wrong, wrong, wrong to leave my omega all alone in heat, but it wouldn’t be long, and there wasn’t a better time to get the supplies from my car.

I didn’t want him to see where I’d parked. It would create too many questions. Ones I wasn’t ready to answer.

That weight pressed on my chest further. Not yet. It was the most selfish thing I’d ever do, but I wanted just a few more days with him before we had to face reality.

Before I had to confess, and pray he’d forgive me and not walk away forever.

I left a note on the pillow in case Max woke up before I returned, letting him know I was just grabbing supplies and wouldn’t be long.

On the way out, I stopped and cleaned up the fluids—his and mine—from where we’d first come together. His demon cat watched in judgement from his usual perch on the windowsill. He’d apparently decided I wasn’t worth swiping those claws at, though.

Progress.

Shame soured my stomach that I’d taken Max for the first time—for his first time being knotted—up against a wall. We were two waves in, and I hadn’t even undressed yet. It’d all been frantic need and devastating, overwhelming desire.

Now, though, my head was clear enough to realize just how fucked I was.

My life was walled off for a reason—from everybody. Or, almost everybody. I may not have been able to hunt the way I wanted in the last two years, but I still had people to protect, and my identity remaining hidden was a critical part of that.

Max was never meant to know who I was.

The plan was simple. Explain my situation to him, spend a heat together, and when it culminated without a mating bite, everything would go back to normal. Max wouldn’t be dragged into the dangerous world of knowing me, and I wouldn’t have to tell him…

Well. Everything.

It should’ve worked. I needed my life back. My freedom back.

I’d thought my obsession was just because I needed to purge the boy from my system, that was all. I resented that our bond wasn’t forged out of mutual desire or compatibility—at least not on his part—and told myself I’d be fine with spending a heat together, rejecting the bond, and going our separate ways.

No problemo.

Big problemo, my alpha growled.

Yeah. Big problemo. Because even in the throes of rut, I couldn’t stop thinking about his laugh and the way he smelled when his jealousy peeled away to reveal a desire so acute I could drink it.

Halfway to my car, my phone buzzed.

Are you with Max?

You have to tell him, or I will.

The weight sitting on me grew three more sizes. Keeping the mask on, literally and figuratively, was supposed to absolve me of this. He couldn’t expect full transparency if there was nothing real between us.

But there was. There was.