Page 48 of The Heartbreak Hotel

It was going to be one of those days.

She scrambled, trying to find something intelligent to say and ignore the throbbing in her underwear. Her eyes locked on the owl totem hanging around his neck.

“Is that your spirit guide?” she asked.

“Yes.” He stroked the metal, his curious eyes studying Ella’s face. “Is that something that you want to get in touch with?”

Ella nodded, and Senhor Arenoso turned to make the tea. Admittedly, she was curious. If Riley was a dolphin, what would she be? A tiger? A shark? A wolf? She’d been told on more than one occasion that she had a sharp tongue.

“That’s good,” he murmured, before asking over his shoulder, “would you like the same as last time?”

“No, thank you. I’d like Yorkshire Tea, if you have it.”

He chuckled, a warm, throaty sound that seemed to echo in the small space. “As luck would have it, I do.”

All she needed now were some Jaffa Cakes, and it’d be just like home.

Once he’d made the drinks, Senhor Arenoso handed Ella a mug and leaned back against the table.

“The owl is a powerful spirit guide,” he started. “It has a deep connection to wisdom and the ability to see things most cannot. However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t without its darkness. Everyone is a balance between light and dark, no matter who they are.

“Guides come to us in many forms, but their common focus is to help us back into alignment with the universe. To do that, you have to listen. The guide is part of your inner self, Ella. If you shut that out, then alignment is impossible.” He tilted his head. “Even in one week, I can feel you starting to listen to the world around you again. Would you agree?”

The island had pushed Ella to her limits, turned her inside out, and frustrated her, but yes, being in nature and away from her phone had eventually made her feel more like herself again. Whoever that person was.

When she didn’t elaborate, he sipped from his tea. “I understand you still have resistance. Resistance to happiness. Resistance to freedom. Resistance to love.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, and her mouth opened before she could stop it. “I don’t resist love. Love is all I’ve ever wanted.” Heat spread up her neck at the admission.

She hated the idea of wanting to be loved. It felt weak and pathetic, like admitting she wasn’t worthy enough for it just to be a given. Winnie seemed to find love wherever she went, sticking to her like Velcro.

But Ella had to fight to keep Maeve’s attention, twisting herself into someone she thought she wanted her to be, trying to latch onto things that ultimately just weighed her down.

It wasn’t just Maeve, either. Ella had to work twice as hard at everything to even hope to come close to Devin’s achievements. Without anything to show, she feared her parents might retreat, turning their love into a supermarket checkout transaction. One promotion equals one belly rub and a pat on the back.

It was exhausting trying to be what she thought she needed to be all the time.

Senhor Arenoso was watching her closely, as though he followed her every thought. “Humans rely on fear as a way of protecting themselves from disappointment, hurt, and heartbreak. You probably don’t realise it half of the time, but when we function from places of fear, our thoughts and actions pollute the energy around us, and that’s what we attract back. Shedding those fears and resistance is where the real Ella, the Ella hidden deep beneath all those layers, can heal and love freely.”

Ella wanted to tell him he was wrong, but the words wouldn’t form in her mouth. She knew she needed to change. The island had alluded to that many times. But more than that, she felt it herself. It was time for Ella 2.0.

“I suppose you’re right,” she admitted, tracing her finger over the mug and feeling the heat beneath the ceramic. “What do I have to do?”

“Unpicking and unlearning habits take time. There’s no easy route. But opening up to the world and recognising your own limitations is a great place to start.”

“I don’t want the easy route. I want to do this properly.”

“Excelente.” He grinned, revealing a small gap in his teeth, before adopting a more serious tone. “The difficult part will be remembering all this after you return to the busy modern world. When you receive your totem and learn of your guide at the fire ceremony, this is how you will keep the peace within you. They’re already there, Ella. Here with you in this moment. You just have to listen.”

Ella squeezed the mug tighter. She didn’t want to be disrespectful, but she wondered why her spirit guide was so keen on playing hide-and-seek. And why they were so incredibly horny. “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

Senhor Arenoso sipped from his mug with a nod. “We are making excellent progress. Let’s continue.”

* * *

Ella’s mind had taken a beating at Senhor Arenoso’s class. Now, it was time for her body.

The gentle waves helped ease her fears of being swept away in the ocean current again, but lying on the sand pretending to surf did little to ease her fear of looking stupid. Luckily, there were three others doing the same, so she went for it. Unluckily, she was lying next to Pauline, whose joints popped and clicked with every movement, like a one-woman percussion band.