Page 65 of The Heartbreak Hotel

Riley shook her head, chewing at her lip. Ella didn’t miss the lines etching deeper into her forehead. “You can’t mess with people’s feelings like that. I just had to explain the rules between staff and clients to her and give the flowers back. It’s embarrassing and awkward, and I just feel like…” She let out a heavy sigh. “Such a hypocrite.”

Ella reached out an arm to comfort her, but she took a step towards the door.

“I think you should go.” Riley’s gaze was cast to the floor. She wouldn’t even look at her now?

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Riley lingered in the doorway but didn’t react. “I’ve had a long day. I just need some space.”

Ella swallowed the lump in her throat. “Okay.” It’s already happening. “Sure.” You’re too much, Ella. She took a step back, and Riley went inside, leaving Ella standing awkwardly on the stone. She spun and descended the steps two at a time, her heartrate climbing. Her mind bombarded her with thoughts again, but this time, she couldn’t stop them piling and piling and making it harder to breathe.

The end was coming, and all she wanted to do was run. Why delay the inevitable?

Chapter Eighteen

Riley

Without Ella in her bed, the nightmares were back with a vengeance. Riley woke covered in sweat, her sheets wrapped around her limbs like they were trying to suffocate her. Jane had offered to be with her today to take her mind off it, but Riley hated needing a babysitter. She should be better by now. She groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position and brushing her hands over her wet eyes.

It didn’t erase the images. Or the feeling that came with the smashing together of two vehicles. The piercing screech and the screams. The before and after.

It was always going to be at its worst today. Memories of her dad even joined in the nightmare, his taunting sneer as he peered over the wreckage with a bottle in his hand. ‘Look at what you’ve done. And ye say I’m the monster?’

Ziggy chirped at Riley’s movement, hurrying over to rub himself against her face, and she tickled his chin. She could make out enough of his features from the morning sun streaming through the blinds to see his green eyes rolling back in his head. He loved nothing more than a chin tickle.

She scooped him into her arms, trying to hold him like a baby, but he pawed her and scampered under the bed. He used to let her carry him when he was a kitten, but less and less now.

She sighed, then completed a round of breathing exercises to try to clear her brain fog. The memories of the accident were replaced with those of Ella. She didn’t know when this had all become so complicated.

What did you expect?

She was irked that Ella had said those things to Pauline, but deep down, she knew she didn’t have bad intentions. Riley had pushed her away on impulse. The combination of the anniversary of the accident and the realisation of her feelings was a recipe for disaster.

Riley liked Ella. She really liked her. But in a week, she’d be leaving the island for good. Back to her normal life. Her life without Riley.

She hadn’t even told Ella about the anniversary. Was there any point? If she was just going to leave, should she even bother?

Her gut twisted, tightening into knots that built on top of one another to form a big, ugly tangle of dread. She had known this was going to happen, that Ella would leave, but she hadn’t realised it would impact her on such a level. She’d been far too naïve.

Ella wasn’t hers. Never was.

So what actually was the point? She was following in António’s footsteps and risking losing her job for nothing but a good old-fashioned stab in the heart.

She groaned again, louder, and rolled over in a big huff, inhaling a hint of Ella’s scent, which lingered on the pillow next to her. Without her realising, it was happening again. The ache of loss. A before and an after.

Before Ella. After Ella.

Riley didn’t want to think about the after.

She didn’t want to think at all—or feel—or do, well, anything. But she couldn’t do that, she wouldn’t be like Elodie, so she forced herself out of her bed and dragged her heavy feet to the shower.

Inside, the hot water coated her skin, and she imagined it washing all the bad dreams away. She wished it were that simple—that the water could cleanse her, soothe her, create a barrier that would make all the bad just slip and slide away. But the bad always found a way in. It would pool in the anniversary cracks, forcing them open until the feelings spilled inside her, drowning her in their weight.

She couldn’t be happy-go-lucky Riley today.

No longer feeling the benefits of the water, she turned up the heat, letting out a hiss when the droplets landed on her skin like needles. Steam filled the bathroom, and her mind jumped to Ella. Her gorgeous naked form standing on the edge of the hot springs.

Her stomach coiled again, the knots squeezing. Was everything going to remind her of Ella when she left? When she used the blender in the morning, would she see the scowl on Ella’s face, then her smile when she had her first sip of juice? Would the citrus scent of the orange groves always bring back memories of kissing her, the ocean always replay Ella’s delighted laugh when she first caught a wave? Would her bed always plague her with the sound of Ella coming undone?