Page 57 of Before the Encore

“You’re important to me. You’re important too.”

Katy regarded her through dark eyes before relenting. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Some of this isn’t for the faint-hearted.”

They laughed as Katy retold the horror of the boys’ parents’ evening when she’d been speaking with their teacher about their progress—and a pair of knickers fell out the bottom of her trouser leg. The boys had screamed and ran around with them, showing everyone. Then they cringed about the sickbug where Lyra had vomited in her pajama drawer instead of the toilet, making Nathan pass out from the smell.

Katy rolled her eyes. “I love that man, but he’s such a wimp.”

They refilled their drinks, and then Katy gave her a stern look Bonnie had seen her give the kids many times. “Enough about my chaotic parenthood. What are you avoiding?”

Bonnie laughed, swirling her drink and clinking the ice in her glass. The breeze tickled the hair around her neck.

“Could it be NME’s ‘hottest woman in rock’,” Katy pressed, waggling her eyebrows. “Madison Moore?”

Hearing her name in her best friend’s mouth suddenly made it all the more real. She sighed. “Yeah. I…I’m attracted to her.”

“Oh, lord.” Katy gasped, feigning horror. “How terrible.”

She picked at her trouser pocket. “It’s complicated.”

“Only if you make it. And you do have a spectacular talent of doing so.”

Unease curdled in her stomach. Katy rarely beat around the bush.

Katy softened, leaning back in the chair. “What is it you’re afraid of?”

And that landed like a slap to the face.

“You have so much at your fingertips, but you’re afraid, Bonnie.”

“What is it?” Katy asked, her nose scrunching. “What did I say?”

“I’m afraid. That’s what Madison said. And the worst thing is, it’s true. I am afraid. Of everything. All the time.”

Even saying it out loud made her fingers tremble.

“Hey.” Katy took Bonnie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s only natural to feel that way.”

“But she’s right. I’m not enjoying all these things while I have them. I spend all my time worrying.” Her throat tightened, tears pricking her eyelids. She looked down into her glass, her lip wobbling. “I worry about being dropped by the label, but then when I’m successful, I worry that I’ll lose it. I worry about liking Madison and about her liking me, about her not liking me and about it being for show. I worry about getting my heart broken, and I worry about never taking that leap.” Bonnie’s breath hitched, her words coming out in a strained gasp. “I worry so much; I feel like everything about me is a lie, and sooner or later, everyone will find out and leave me.”

Katy crushed Bonnie in a hug, her face pressing into the crook of her bony shoulder. She sobbed, tears wetting Katy’s shirt, as the emotion spilled out of her.

After a few minutes, Bonnie pulled back, pushing her fists into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to apologise for.” Katy sipped at her lemonade, her focus flicking across the garden. Solution, fix-it Mum-mode activated. “But that was a lot. How long have you been keeping that in?”

Embarrassment crept into her cheeks, and she pressed harder into her eyes. She didn’t want to look at Katy. Bonnie had no right to throw a pity party in her position.

“I understand why you’re anxious.” Katy leaned forward, putting her hand on her knee. “I would be too if every aspect of my life was put under a magnifying glass and commented on by the public. Imagine my parents’ evening disaster immortalised in the paper with my pink knickers for everyone to see!”

Bonnie managed a small laugh, peeking at her from behind splayed fingers.

Katy’s voice turned serious again. “You can’t stop living your life in fear of what ifs. If you don’t take the risk, it’ll pass you by anyway. Remember when you auditioned for The Pop Factor?”

Bonnie swallowed. That cramped cubicle came rushing back; the creaking door and echoing tiles, her tearstained cheeks and shaky fingers.

“You called me and said you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t handle the rejection. What if they hated your music?” Katy gave a soft smile. “Do you remember what I said?”

Bonnie recalled the moment, Katy’s voice clear in her ears. She smiled too, the knot in her chest loosening a smidge. “What if they love it?”