Page 43 of Carver’s Craving

“Well—” Lorcan scratched his beard. “I just…get the feeling you haven’t really come to grips with what happened. I mean, tell me if I’m wrong—”

“You’re not wrong.” I might’ve mumbled that. Before Saturday, I would’ve disputed that assertion. Now that Styx was back in my life, though, all the unresolved feelings were surfacing at a pace too fast for me to keep up with.

Again, Lorcan and Foster exchanged glances.

Foster cleared his throat. “So, here’s the thing—” He held my gaze. “Your benefits include psychological counseling.”

Immediately, my mind rebelled. I don’t need counseling. I just need to reconcile Styx being in my life and figure out what that means. Asking him if he’s thinking about moving on might make him think that I want him to do exactly that…so I can’t ask. But keeping him around indefinitely is driving me a little insane as well. Still, I said nothing.

“Look, we’re not telling you what to do.” Lorcan’s dark-brown eyes radiated the same compassion as Foster’s. “Just…we both went to counseling. To deal with our—” He squinted. “I don’t want to say trauma because that’s a loaded word. But both of us had a lot of shit from our pasts. Stuff we’d pushed down and never dealt with. If we hadn’t seen a psychologist, I’m ready to say—at least for me—that I wouldn’t be as good a husband as I am to Cody. Who, admittedly, is a psychologist. No point trying to bullshit him.”

Foster snorted. “No, for sure not.” He caught my gaze. “I saw the same psychologist as Lorcan did—who was not Cody, by the way. I didn’t have to go too often because working through my issues didn’t take as long as we initially thought it would. But I was better able to be a good husband to Arnav once I dealt with my past…crap. And I know I’m a better father. Foster dad. Whatever. Because I don’t have as much baggage from my past.”

“So you’re both suggesting I go for counseling.” I eyed Lorcan. “I’ve met Cody.”

“I don’t think you’ve met Justin, though. He’s Stanley’s husband.” Lorcan held my gaze.

I shook my head.

“And Kennedy Dixon runs Healing Horses. Avery’s back from maternity leave, so there are several counselors to pick from. Justin’s gay, so that might help.” Foster winced. “Not assuming you want to share that you’re gay.”

I’d shared with both of them, though. Especially easy once I’d met their husbands. I waved off his concern. I didn’t hide who I was.

“But both the women are, obviously, fine with having gay clients. They just—” Foster rubbed his nose. “They’re all good people. And we’re not telling you what to do. Except—” This time, he squinted. “Sometimes you seem really unhappy. And that might be us projecting onto you from our previous experiences—”

I shook my head again. “No, I don’t think you’re wrong. I just…didn’t realize I was so obvious.”

Lorcan shook his head sharply. “You’re not. I’d guess most of the crew has no idea. And…you were honest with me. With Foster. So we know about your past. Couple that with both of us having gone through some shit and I’d say you didn’t really stand a chance of us not noticing. We weren’t going to say anything—”

“You talked about me?” A little sharper than I intended—they were trying to help me, after all.

“Yeah.” Foster shrugged. “We do regular crew evaluations. To head off any issues at the pass—before things get out of hand. We, uh—” He appeared to consider.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad.” Maybe annoyed…but not angry. They had a right to run their crew however they saw fit.

“Well, that’s a relief.” Foster pulled a business card from his wallet. “No expectations. You get time off work if you need it. Paid. They also have evening and weekend appointments.” He passed it to me. “And if your old friend wants to join us on Friday at the Springs, he’s more than welcome.”

“That’s nice of you. He, uh, doesn’t have a car.”

“So knock off an hour early, go get him, and then join us.” Foster shrugged. “Paid, of course. We want to meet him.”

“He’s not…we’re not…”

Lorcan grinned. “Friends are always welcome. We promise we won’t grill him.”

“You know, I hadn’t thought of that, and now you’ve planted the seed and that’ll be all I worry about.” I said the words in jest. Mostly.

Foster chuckled. “You know us well. We’re also good to our word. Now, if Riley or Stella grills your man, I can’t be held responsible.”

Riley was one of Foster’s forewomen. A formidable presence on any worksite. She was as tough, if not tougher, than Lorcan and Foster. In fact, she scared me just a bit.

I grinned. “I can handle Riley.” Well, that might’ve been a bit of bluster. “Hell, Styx might even be able to as well.” I started to consider the possibilities.

“Styx? Okay, you have to explain that name.” Lorcan took another bite of his sandwich—but looked at me expectantly.

I shrugged. And explained as much as I dared.

Chapter Twelve