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“No,” I say again, much louder, my entire body shaking.

I hate that I’m a trembling mess, but he cannot tell me this. I can’t know this.

“Don’t.”

“Calvin, just . . .” He reaches for me again, but I pull away and reach for the handle, yanking the door open.

“I said no. I don’t want to know why your father kicked you out. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to sit in your bedroom and swap secrets because you feel sorry for me and you’ve obviously heard the rumors.”

I’m still shaking, my hand releasing the door handle, my whole body vibrating with the need to get the hell away from him.

“Please, just talk to me. I want you to know that I get it. I unders⁠—”

“You don’t understand shit,” I say, leaning in to him, mistakenly breathing him in but fighting the urge to do more than just smell him to be near him like this. “I’m not like you,” I sneer and pull back. “Stay away from me.”

“Calvin.” I hear his voice in a soft, sort of defeated whisper that nearly makes me trip over my own shoes on the way down the hallway. I barely manage a quick goodbye to Jenna as she races to ask me again to stay for dinner and if everything is all right before I open the front door and dart outside, running to my truck.

I start it and take off before I lose my nerve and go back inside to the nice, loving home that is a refuge for Jonah—where I’m pretty sure Jenna would try to adopt me too.

I don’t deserve their kindness.

And I don’t want it.

I don’t.

I can’t.

CHAPTER NINE

jonah

Okay, so that did not go as planned . . . not at all. I thought maybe if I told him about me—why my father kicked me out of the house—that he’d understand I can relate to him.

That he’s not the only one . . . and I know I’m assuming some big things here, but I can feel it. I’m not wrong. I can see he’s at the very least attracted to me. Put that together with the way his teammates all joke about him. Well yeah, it’s obvious.

I just want him to know it’s okay. That he’s not alone.

But first thing this morning, I went over to his locker to wish him a happy Monday, and he just completely ignored me. Not even a look in my direction. Just slammed his locker and left. Of course, Adler and Shields were right there to witness it all, but they actually stayed quiet about it.

That is, until the same thing happened at lunch. I sat down next to him, all cheery and asking if he got extra tater tots because of his winning smile, and he just ignored me. Got up and emptied his tray into the trashcan before leaving the cafeteria. Adler and Shields were all over that, calling it a lovers’ quarrel.

Fucking idiots.

I couldn’t have cared less. Except now, at practice, Calvin has taken quite a ribbing from those idiots, and he’s got to be hangry as hell. I guess that’s why, when we’re running drills, he moves out of the way, not blocking for me, and I go down hard, still clutching the ball.

Fuck, that hurt. I had my helmet on, but minimal pads. I’m going to feel that tomorrow. I hear a whistle, but I’m still down on the ground when Calvin’s big body drops down on his knees next to me. “Shit! I’m sorry. I wasn’t . . . I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“It’s totally okay,” I say, but I think I got the wind knocked out of me because I wheeze that sentence out instead of sounding confident and cool like I’d intended.

He yanks his helmet off, and I can’t stop staring at the naked concern in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Micah kneels down on my other side, and Calvin looks at him. “I’m really sorry, Coach. I messed up. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

I believe him. And when I turn my head—very slowly—I can tell Micah does too. “I know, Duke.” Micah’s concerned eyes roam over me. “You okay?”

I laugh at that, and I sound a little better now when I start to sit up. “I’m fine. I wasn’t paying enough attention. I should have dodged it.”

“I should have blocked for you,” Calvin says, guilt written all over his face.

“I should have blocked for you, baby,” Dumbass Shields says, bringing his clasped hands up to his chest to feign swooning in a mocking tone that makes me want to jump up and smack the shit out of him—but you know, maybe later because I did just get knocked the fuck down by one of the defensive players. I’m not even sure which one, but by the way I feel, I’d say they’re fucking huge.