Page 41 of Blissful Devotion

“I’m feeling much better…” My voice is far too quiet, but I know he hears me when his eyes narrow.

“It’s not you ‌we're worried about. This pill will ensure the baby has all the vitamins needed to grow healthy, but you must be able to eat, too. This one,” the doctor points to the second pill, a little white circle. “Will help you keep food down so that the baby can eat too. He is only as strong as you are, and right now he needs you to provide everything for him.”

“He?” It’s silly, given everything going on, but I can’t get past the label he gave.

He gives me a tight smile. “Sorry, I call all babies ‘he’ until we know the sex. It’s easier. But…”

Lorenzo gives him a sharp nod, clearly understanding something I’m missing.

“It would appear you're far enough into the pregnancy now that we can do an ultrasound in a few days to see what the sex is, if you’d like.”

“Yes, please!” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I don’t want anything from them; I don't want to share a single moment of joy from this baby with them. But I can’t resist the urge to see my baby. He or she is the only reason I’m still sane and holding on.

The doctor's words hit me like a punch in the gut as I stare at the two little pills in Lorenzo’s hand for a moment longer.

My little one needs food and vitamins, which I’ve been severely lacking with my sickness. I have no doubt that the pit in my stomach won’t be going anywhere with Lorenzo so close, but that’s not their fault. And it’s my job to provide for them however I can, even if it’s not exactly ideal.

I take the water, and he takes the now-empty bowl before dropping the pills into my hand.

I don’t know shit about pills, other than the over-the-counter medication I take for cramps or headaches. They don’t look like anything special, but they could be anything.

Am I willing to chance my baby's health, though?

I grab the pills and the water and swallow them down before I can second-guess the decision.

“One a day for the vitamin and three times a day for the anti-nausea,” the doctor tells Lorenzo, handing him two little bottles. “I’ve already given you a shot to help jump-start it so that you don’t lose any more weight, but you need to ensure you take them daily.”

I nod, uncertain what else to do. I hate the idea of him sticking me with something while I was out, but I can’t do much about it now other than make sure he doesn’t have a reason to do it again.

21 Days without Kat

It’s been three weeks without Kat, two weeks of Jade and her guys helping us to try and get her back, and it feels like nothing’s happening, even though I know that’s a lie. We’re all giving our every waking hour to whatever Jade needs, which, unfortunately, seems to mean a lot of reports and paperwork.

Lorenzo has her; I know it, we all do; we just need to find him, which is easier said than done. He’s had twenty-some-odd years to hide away and cover his tracks.

Spencer said it’s just a matter of time and seems to believe that, saying, ‘Everyone leaves a trace somewhere,’ but how long before we find it?

Jade’s strict, requiring us to eat, move, and sleep. Vince argued with her about it the first day, upset that we were wasting our time doing ‘stupid shit’ when Kat needed us, and I can’t say I didn’t agree, but fuck if Jade didn’t scare me.

Of course she didn’t even seem fazed by his shit, instead telling him he would be useless by the time we found her if he pushed himself too hard now.

I’d never seen Vince shut up so fast.

So even though all I want is to find her now, I still take my ass upstairs every night and at least try to sleep. Usually, that means I lie in Kat’s bed until my body finally gives in to the exhaustion. It’s not refreshing, but it keeps me going, and that’s all I can really ask for right now.

Screams fill the room, cries for help, and…

“Desmond, help me, please!” Hearing my name on her lips is like sweet poison. I’ve craved her voice, begged for her in any capacity I could have her, but not like this.

I’m moving, running before I can think it through, as if pulled to her.

The hall is long, nearly never-ending, with doors every few feet. Every scream echoes off the walls, each louder and more desperate than the last.

“Kat!” I call out for her, desperate to find her, save her, and hold her close, but every door is empty, and I feel as if she only gets further away.

My chest is tight, breathing erratic as I throw open another door. I’ve lost count of how many rooms I’ve checked now, but it has to be near one hundred.

That’s why I feel it takes me so long to realize what I’m seeing.