Page 74 of Something Human

Adares was riding a Luth horse, and he looked good on it.

They reached the valley, with the series of little waterfalls and rapids that gave it its name, but there was no sign of the herd. Suthus proposed that they stop by the river to eat, so they all dismounted, and the votive boys unpacked the food. Rus volunteered to keep a lookout for the herd on a ridge of higher ground above the picnic site. He had settled down there with his bread and cheese and fruit, and was looking down the valley away from the party when Adares dropped down onto the grass beside him.

“Hey,” said Adares. Rus noticed again how tired he looked and felt obscurely guilty.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry we haven’t had a chance to talk again,” Adares said.

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I got angry with you last night.”

“What? No, you were right to be angry. I was being a dick.”

“A what?” Of course he knew the word now, but he wasn’t sure how it applied.

“A scoundrel. A blackguard. A … ”

“You weren’t!”

“A knave?”

“No.”

“Well, if you say so. You’re all right? I was worried when I saw how tense everyone was in your friends’ house last night. I guess you’d just told them about us.”

Rus nodded. “About me. Genet was angry that I'd kept it a secret. Kuth had guessed a long time ago. He guessed about us, even. He didn't seem to mind.”

“People surprise you sometimes, don't they?”

“They do. Even Genet came around. We spoke again this morning. And she was right, I should probably not have been so secretive.”

Adares shrugged. “You were just trying to protect yourself.”

“I suppose so. How are Kagieros and Glaukos?”

“Idiots. They’re idiots. I don’t know which of them is more of an idiot. But apparently they will be all right. Kuth says it won’t do them any harm to ride tomorrow, though of course they’ll be uncomfortable.”

“That’s good.”

Adares gave him a doubtful look. “I guess.”

“If you stay much longer, I’m certain Gunthanaruth is going to propose that we stage a bull-fight for your entertainment, and then Unumus will have a fit, and a riot will break out in the kahar hall, and it will all be very tiresome.”

“Yeah … I can see how it would be.” He took a bite of bread and cheese, chewed deliberately, and swallowed as if he wasn’t enjoying it. “Rus, I wanted to say something—you probably don’t want to hear it. I truly don’t believe that I’m your one shot at happiness. I realize it might not be easy, but I think you could find someone to share your life with. Not just someone who visits occasionally, but a real … I mean, if you wanted that. I can’t imagine you don’t. And I was thinking about it. You can’t be the only man who chose the life of the kahar because he couldn’t see himself marrying and fathering children even if he didn’t. Can you at least admit that I might be right?”

“Yes. You are probably right.”

“Come to Tios with me anyway.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on saying that. Come to Tios with me. It’s a beautiful city, and I live in a palace—a very modest palace, very homey, actually—I know you’d like it. The whole city is at such an interesting crossroads right now. I think you’d feel at home there, the way I do. I don’t know exactly what you’d do, besides be with me, but you needn’t worry about being idle—there’s so much work to do, and you’re educated and capable and … you asked what you could be in Tios, but wouldn’t you still be yourself? You’re a priest. You carry that with you. Don’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Look, if this wasn’t what you wanted to hear, forget I said any of it. I’ll come back here whenever I can. I’ll be your lover. Of course I will.”

He sounded so defeated, and it was so obviously not what he wanted, but he said it, and Rus believed he would have kept his word.