Page 56 of The Summer Pass

He was gone before Lill’s sluggish brain recalled that “Big Lout” was Firuduna’s name sign. But he didn’t know what Firuduna would be doing in here.

Auxshna’s mother came back, this time with clothes. “For when you’re well enough to dress, dear.” She knew all about boy brides, so she had brought a selection: trousers and a shirt and an Akramarran-style gown the colour of baked brick. Lill thanked her. He didn’t know whose clothes they were.

Gurti and Tirtu were arguing about something. Swords? Something to do with swords. Or maybe Lill was falling asleep again, because that didn’t make much sense.

“What a thing to be worrying about now,” Gurti said tartly. “As if it matters to you, anyway!”

Tirtu sighed heavily, and then after a moment he said decisively, “It does matter to me, Gurti. It does. But if you’d rather it didn’t … Well, then.”

Halza and his betrothed did not seem to be arguing, rather surprisingly. At one point they both came over to stand beside Lill’s couch. They weren’t exactly holding hands, but they looked as if they might both be thinking about it.

“Lill, Auxshna wanted to meet you,” Halza said stiffly. “I said I didn’t mind, but that she should be careful not to trust anything you say.”

“Halza!” Auxshna gave him a mortified look. “There’s no need to be rude.”

“I’m not sure you understand the extent to which he deceived all of us, my dear.”

This now felt so much like getting his feet under him after rolling down a hill that Lill realized how strange some of his other conversations had been. Barda was acting as if they were friends, as if he was the one who needed to apologize to Lill for blurting out the truth at the wrong moment. Padunu and Otoni were looking after him as if the only thing out of the ordinary was that he was hurt. Auxshna’s mother thought he was nice. Susami had made him soup … To have somebody be angry with him felt almost refreshing.

“I was the one who brought him up the mountain,” Halza went on, explaining to his fiancée. “And he came with murderous intentions—making me, the one who brought him, as good as a host-slayer!”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” said Auxshna. She gave Lill an uncertain look. “Is this true?”

“I guess it is,” said Lill wanly. He wasn’t going to argue with Halza in front of his betrothed.

She looked like she’d changed her mind about wanting to meet him, and she muttered something about needing to help the other women and hurried off across the cellar.

“Halza,” said Lill.

Halza froze and turned back to look at him. Lill pushed himself up to a sitting position with his good arm. The feeling that it was right and proper for Halza to be angry with him had only lasted a moment.

“You know, Halza, I don’t care what you say about me to your fiancée, but I hope you’re not confused. You realize if you’d known I was going up to Umtúshta to kill Vanu, you’d have said, ‘How can I help?’”

“I—I⁠—”

“You thought he was a cannibal with a collection of heads! You’re mad at me now because you realized he’s great actually, he’s a hero and a good man, and it would be a tragedy if somebody assassinated him. Guess what? I worked that out too—that’s why I didn’t do it.”

A hush had fallen over the wine cellar, and Lill realized that some of the others had certainly heard at least part of that. Otoni, who was leaning against a beer barrel and shaking with suppressed laughter, definitely had. Lill didn’t see Vanu anywhere.

Halza was looking dumbfounded. Lill wanted to tell him to fuck off. He wanted to say, “Look, I’m a hired killer, but I didn’t kill any of you. I think I deserve some credit for that.”

To his surprise, when Halza finally spoke, it was to say: “I beg your pardon. I suppose—I mean, you are quite right. And … I do recall that you saved my life when Lord Faru wanted to have me thrown over the fortress wall.”

Lill had honestly forgotten about that. The reason why he’d dropped out of that apple tree on Tirtu seemed unimportant now; what stood out in his mind was the way Vanu had pounced on him afterward, that bafflingly gentle strength seizing him and protecting him at the same time.

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings by lying to you. I hope you realize it was just part of my mission.”

“Of course,” said Halza.

Lill lay back down and pulled the covers over himself. Atari’s cat finally did get up and stretch and hop down from the couch. Lill was thinking about what Susami had said to Vanu: “We have all been very confused about Lill.” And, “They were all angry with Lill—I was too.” Why?

Not for the convoluted, self-righteous reasons Halza was angry. All the rest of them were angry with Lill because they cared about Vanu, and Lill had …

Gone away because he didn’t deserve to be with Vanu. That was what he had done, wasn’t it?

He dozed and woke again, needing the privy. He propped himself up and looked around the cellar. Most people seemed to be asleep, so perhaps it was night by now. He saw Otoni’s little daughter curled up asleep next to her mother. He slid his legs to the edge of the couch and gingerly tried sitting up and then standing. He didn’t immediately fall over, which felt like a victory.

Getting into the trousers that Auxshna’s mother had left for him seemed like too much trouble when he’d just have to untie them again, so he settled for wrapping himself in a blanket. He tottered to the corner of the cellar where they’d piled up some empty casks to create a degree of privacy around a drain in the floor. He managed not to pee on the blanket or himself, another victory.