Page 49 of Saving The Shortstop

It takes me a second to process it all, but when I do, I’m hit with a wave of anger. This is my body. Those pictures were of me, and I had a right to know.

Standing up, I push him away from me.

“You told Lilly, my new roommate who you don’t even know, and you didn’t tell me?” I say, my teeth gritted. “You didn’t think I deserved a heads up?” I ball my fists up. “I’m going to talk to her.”

His hand catches mine, and he pulls me against him.

“Look at me,” he growls, though there’s unmistaken sadness in his tone and eyes. “I thought by not telling you, I was doing the right thing. I’m sorry, Haven.” He holds me against him, looking down at me. “I wanted to fucking kill him. You don’t understand how much willpower it’s taken me not to murder him with my own two hands. But I didn’t want this to blow up.” His eyes are glossed over. “I didn’t want you to feel ashamed because this wasn’t your fault. And I just … I thought by taking care of it myself, I was protecting you from all the pain.”

“I had a right to know,” I growl, fighting to hold my ground while I know I’m giving in. “You should have told me.”

“And you should have told me when he showed up here and fucking grabbed your arm and pulled you toward him.” He’s pissed now, fighting back and letting out his own frustration. “You should have told me that, Haven. And you didn’t.”

“Because I didn’t think you cared!” I’m screaming in his face right now. “Why would I tell you something so small when you don’t give a shit about me!”

“Don’t give a shit about you?” He almost roars, throwing his head back. “I’ve been here every fucking night, Haven,” he pleads. “That’s not for the fucking hell of it. Why would I be here if I didn’t care?”

“Because I’m family,” I spew bitterly. “Because I’m like a little sister to you.” Big, fat tears roll down my cheeks, and I’m not even going to attempt to wipe them away. “Because … you do things to keep me strung along but you’ll never … ever … feel the same way.” My lip trembles, and more tears fall. “You kissed me—years ago. You kissed me when you were drunk.” I whimper. “And it meant so little to you that the next day, you didn’t even remember it.”

My breathing becomes shaky, and I try to steady myself.

“That kiss ruined my life, ruined me for anyone else.” I stare at him, snarling yet falling apart. “And you … you just forgot about it like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.”

I’ve never felt more exposed than I do in this moment, and all at the hands of Dallas. I’ve always been too ashamed to tell him about that kiss. A kiss that was obviously meaningless for him. But I’m angry enough now that there is no keeping it in any longer. My heart breaks inside my chest, and I think the pain of saying those words out loud hurts far more than anything Tabor did.

“That’s what you really think?” he utters, his tone sharp and angry. “You think I’d be willing to give up everything just to keep you safe if I didn’t—” He stops, his breathing labored. “If you don’t see the way I really feel, then open your fucking eyes, Haven.”

My vision blurs as tears pool, and I blink slowly, letting them roll down my face. His hand slides to my cheek, and I stand here, unable to fully comprehend what he’s even telling me. When it comes to Dallas Rivers, everything confuses me.

He bends down closer to me, his lips almost touching mine while he grips my face.

“That kiss ruined me too, Haven,” he growls, his gaze darting from my eyes to my lips. “How the fuck could I ever forget kissing you?”

My heart beats inside my chest like a thousand hooves running along the dirt, thundering in my ears. My brain grows fuzzy, and even though this is what I’ve always wanted to hear, I only cry harder.

“I remember every fucking thing about you, Short. I’m sure as hell going to remember our first kiss,” he says roughly, and without warning, his lips press to mine. When I pull back out of instinct to protect myself, he instead forces me not to—kissing me harder. I hate that I can’t stop myself, but within seconds, my kiss melts into his, and I’m moaning into his mouth. It doesn’t matter that he just delivered me the worst news I’ve ever received. Because he also delivered me with the best too.

Whole. I feel like for the first time in forever, I am whole. Nothing inside me is aching for someone or something else, a sensation I’ve been accustomed to for years. But that voice in the back of my mind yells again, reminding me to keep my guard up. Telling me that he could do what he did before and bolt.

His hand grazes downward, gently gripping the side of my neck, and he tears his lips from mine and presses them to my forehead as he drags in a few shaky breaths.

“I always said if I ever got the chance to kiss you again, I’d never want to stop,” he murmurs against my skin. “Tell me to stop, Short. Tell me to just go slow.”

Maybe it’s wild that I don’t want him to stop. It’s probably reckless because how do I know that he won’t change his mind. Either way, I don’t want him to slow anything down. Even if we should because we’ve never done anything more than kissing, somehow, I know that I’d let him go as far as he wanted because I’ve been waiting for so long.

I tilt my head to gaze up at him.

“Please don’t stop,” I whisper, nerves in my stomach growing because just last night I practically begged him to get in my bed and he turned me down. It could happen again, but somehow, this moment … feels different.

It’s like … something big is about to happen. And it’s going to change everything.

The only thing is, I don’t know if that’s for better or worse.

“I want you so bad, Haven,” he whispers against my forehead, his palms sliding down my waist. There’s a hint of uncertainly in his tone. Almost as if he’s feeling out how bad I want him too. Or how much I want.

Looking up at him, I tilt my chin up bravely.

“Then take me, QB,” I challenge. “Take everything.”