Page 60 of The False Flat

I wouldn’t have to struggle to find clients.

He liked everything about me.

He was the Ken to my Barbie.

Everything he’d said was right. Our interests, goals, and logical next steps had been the same.

Chad, beaming, lifted my left hand, and pushed a huge diamond onto the fourth finger. It glinted, bursting into a kaleidoscope of colors. He maneuvered back into his chair across from me. “Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous.” I stared at my left hand. The sharp angles and precision cuts pierced into my bubble, popping it and leaving me sitting in a puddle of realization.

“Do you know what my name would be if I married you, Chad?”

His eyebrows snapped together as if this was the last thing he’d expected. I was as surprised as he was. It was almost as if, like him, I were outside my body, waiting to hear what I had to say.

“I would be Pen Gwinn. Pen Gwinn. Penguin.” I started laughing. He shifted uncomfortably and adjusted his jacket, like he might be sweating underneath, but eventually he laughed, too, a little hesitant, awkward chuckle.

Then a new list materialized in my head, but there was only one thing on it:

Take Chad’s ring off.

He liked everything about me because he liked what I’d let him see. But he hadn’t seen the real me. I hadn’t seen the real me, until I’d found myself in Nashville.

His proposal had lifted a veil. He’d laid out all the things I’d told myself I wanted. But when faced with actually having them, I no longer wanted them. I couldn’t picture a life with Chad. I loved my new house in Nashville. I loved my new friends. I was still floundering, there was no doubt about it, but the only threads tying me in place at all weren’t here in Minnesota. I’d moved on, and I hadn’t noticed the changes inside me until this moment.

This wasn’t the option I thought it was.

And I wasn’t Barbie.

“When you find what’s right, you hold on to it,” I said, repeating what I remembered of his previous statement, and then I pulled the ring off my finger. “And this isn’t right.” I held the ring out to him, but he wouldn’t take it, so I placed it on the white tablecloth, near his dessert plate.

“I don’t know what’s next for me.” My heart stung. I knew I was hurting him. But this was his life, not mine, not even ours. “But I do know my future isn’t with you.”

He shook his head, grabbed my hand again, and pushed the ring back onto my finger. “You’re confused. Do you know how many women would be thrilled to be in your shoes right now?”

Probably not many. They were way too tight.

He waved his hand between us. “No. I know you better than that. I love you. You need to get away from that ridiculous mustache and those people who aren’t like you and me. Hedge International. I can’t go back and tell Bryan that you’re not interested. No one turns this down. Do you know how that would make me look? My parents already told me I was screwing up by leaving Vicki.”

Wow. All this time, I’d just needed someone to lay it all out for me, like a dress. I shoved my sarcasm aside and tried to ignore my rising anger. He didn’t know my new friends or the new life that had grown around me, giving me something I’d never had before, something he’d never had.

And I did know how it would make him look, and I was really, really sorry. I knew what kind of person he was. I used to be that person, and I tried to sympathize, especially since this was partly my fault. I could’ve avoided tonight, spared us both this regret, if I’d been strong enough to know what I needed. But up until that ring was on my finger, I was considering the life he presented, really considering it. Because it was easier than dealing with all the potential failure and all the feelings that I’d opened myself up to. And if we’d had an affair, at least it was because we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together.

But life was going to be hard no matter what I did. The difference was that I had a chance at happiness in Nashville. I did not have one here.

“Houston did what he did,” he went on. “It wasn’t right, but you had your crisis, and I let you. Now it needs to end. Let’s get back to real life. Marry me. Take the job. It’s what I know you want.”

“I’m so sorry.” I took the ring off again. “I can only imagine what my turning down the job will cost you. And how you must feel. But I’ve been trying to build an empire, when all I really need is a village.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When the Fletchers didn’t sign with me, I started doubting everything. And then your parents pulled out.”

“I told you—”

“I don’t blame them, but it was the loss of another really big client. And it felt like the end. I was questioning all the decisions I’d made, but I’ve been so focused on what I didn’t have or what I’d lost that I haven’t been focusing on what I do have. I think I’ve been confused about what it is I actually need to start a business on my own.”

His mouth was slightly open, as if he couldn’t fathom where this was going.