Page 77 of The False Flat

This was rapidly changing course. We’d gone deep, mentally deep, and I was proud of myself, but now I needed to stop being deep, except for the kind of depth where one part of him sank deep into one part of me. And now, I was saying “deep” too much in my head. “You think you might go somewhere?” I asked, because maybe he was still on the fence about us working out. Maybe he’d realized I was damaged and could never be like put-together Elaine.

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere. Except maybe here.” He kissed my cheek. “And here.” His lips flitted across my jaw. Then moved behind my ear. “And definitely here.” This was confusing while simultaneously lighting me on fire.

“Grant.” I managed to pull away from him. I needed to know what he meant, even more than I wanted him to touch me. “What are you saying?”

“I’m not going anywhere, but I think we should wait until you’re convinced I’m not going anywhere. You’re new at vulnerability. You’ve admitted that you’ve never really opened up to anyone. I want to get to know you. I want you to trust me. I want an emotional connection before a physical one.”

What?

“And what if I said that was now?” How was he logical when the heat inside my body was burning away thought? I wanted his hands on me. We’d already had an emotional connection. The physical would help balance out all the emotional, so I wouldn’t turn into a puddle of doubt and self-consciousness. I knew how to be physical, and now, he was stripping me of some of my best attributes.

“You really believe I’m not going anywhere? Because if . . .” He swallowed hard. His eyes searched my face as if waiting for me to unexpectedly prove him wrong so he could pull me back into his arms.

“The truth?” I asked.

“This isn’t going to work any other way.”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t believe you’re here to stay. I want to, but I don’t.” Everyone left. That was my entire life’s experience. It was going to take a lot to convince me that our relationship wasn’t more of the same. Grant was different. He’d broken barriers no one else had even chipped, which gave way to this: my openness to try. But trying didn’t come with guarantees.

He pulled his lips into his mouth and nodded gravely. I’d confirmed his concerns. “Then we’ll wait. No sex . . . for now.”

What man refused sex? I should’ve lied, told him I was all in. But he would’ve seen through it.

His hand pushed up my thigh and around to my back. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t do this in the meantime.” Then, he pulled me into a kiss that made the sunset seem like a kindergartener’s painting . . .

CHAPTER 29

SEXY AT 7:58 A.M.

“Why don’t you come inside?” I pulled at Grant’s heather-blue long-sleeved shirt as he shook his head, refusing to budge because he knew what I was trying to do. It was the following Saturday—way too early—and he was here, at my house, to pick me up. But I had other ideas. Erin wasn’t here, and I wanted to convince him that over the past week—since he’d told me we weren’t going to sleep together—I’d become the picture of emotional stability.

But he was wise to my games—having nearly broken his “rule” last night when I slipped my hand somewhere it probably shouldn’t have been—and now, he wouldn’t even step past the threshold. I’d also told him how my relationship with Chad had been more of a physical connection rather than an emotional one, which hadn’t helped my case.

I slipped on my most alluring smile in the doorway, but Grant crossed his arms and looked away.

I dropped the smile. “Fine! But do we really have to go this early?”

“I forgot you’ve never been to a farmers market. Everything will be picked over if we don’t get there right as it opens.”

“I told you I’d never been, which is why you insisted I go.”

“I told you it was a sexy place to go, and then you insisted on going.”

“Oh yeah, right. Well, I think I was desperate when I said that because in the morning light, I just don’t see how vegetables are going to be sexy.” Seriously, broccoli wasn’t a turn-on.

“That’s why we’re going. I’ll prove it to you.”

“Why don’t you come into my kitchen and prove it to me there. I’m pretty sure I have a few veggies in the crisper drawer.”

“I’m almost certain that’s not the case, unless it’s a shriveled potato with eyes.”

“Not sexy?”

“Not sexy. Now come on.”

“Let me get my shoes.”

As I headed down my sidewalk, the cool, fall-ish air lifting my mood, Devina walked across her lawn and up to my driveway, where Grant’s car was parked. “Where are you two heading so early?”