Page 88 of The Love Operation

I don’t laugh. Because my entire concept of Benedict Calder just shifted. I had no idea. But why would I?

“Do you live with them?” I ask.

“Close by. I’m over there all the time. That’s what family’s for, right?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

But a knot forms in my stomach. I think about my family. My sister—annoying but independent. My parents are healthy. The worst thing I’ve had to deal with lately is their newfound love of TikTok reenactments.

I’ve been frustrated by their decision to leave their careers behind, but at least they have a choice. Benedict and his family didn’t. Their lives got harder, and he rose to meet the ask. My parents want to slow down, and I can barely cope. What does that say about me?

Conflicting emotions pull me in different directions. Frustration. Gratitude. Anger. Guilt. It’s a tug-of-war, and I don’t know where to land.

My heart aches for Benedict, but I’m also angry that he left me. We could’ve faced all this together. I could’ve carried some of the weight. But he didn’t give me the chance. Or maybe this happened when he was married. A thousand thoughts flood my brain, so many that my skull feels too small to contain them all.

“Can I hug you?” I hear myself ask.

He blinks, surprised, then nods.

The moment my arms wrap around him, all the questions fade away.

For a few seconds, it’s just us. No past, no anger. Just two people who used to mean everything to each other, standing in the wreckage of what could have been. I refuse to think about how good his body feels against mine. I just think, This is someone I once loved. Maybe still love in ways I don’t understand.

He steps back. “Don’t feel sorry for me,” he says. “I’ve made peace with it. My life is good.”

I nod and refuse to embarrass either of us by crying.

“Anyway,” he adds. “I didn’t mean to get off on all that. I just wanted to apologize for yesterday and thank you for taking care of my dad.”

“Of course. I’ll be in touch about the surgery.”

He nods, gives me a small smile—and for a moment, I see the boy I used to know. But more than that, I see how much we’ve both changed.

As he walks away, I inhale, and his scent washes over me—wood, crisp air, clean skin. Part of him still smells like home. The rest—like a song from another lifetime, playing in a room I don’t belong in anymore.

And for the first time in a long time, I can’t see all the steps in the path ahead of me.

Chapter 22

The Clover Crisis: Tragic

Isaac: Miss you. Hope clinic goes well.

Isaac: Let me know when you’re done. I’ll head out as soon as you do.

Me: Miss you too.

Me: I will. Should be a pretty tame day.

I shove my phone into my coat pocket and step into Delenn’s office.

Normally her essential oil blend soothes me, but today I have to physically resist the urge to clench my jaw. I’m ready for another round of treatment, but I feel guilty. I’m doing what she asked me not to, and being near her while knowing that makes me queasy.

“It wore off,” I say, flopping into Delenn’s visitor chair.

From behind her desk, Delenn adjusts her glasses as she looks up at me. “Well, well. If it isn’t my favorite surgeon slash time traveler.”

I drum my fingers against the chair arm. I want to tell her about Jonathan, or at least the memory of Jonathan, but I can’t.