Page 53 of Mastermind

Now I’m terrified.

It’s a pile of crap.

Not just any crap.

Chimpanzee shit.

Theo is still staring at it.

That’s when the real horror strikes me.

Embedded in the dung is a bone with a wedding ring on it.

PART FOUR

DARWINIST

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

PAN TROGLODYTES

The first chimpanzees brought to medieval Europe confused learned men and caused endless speculation as to whether this was another form of a human—a not altogether unreasonable position at the time, given that every group tends to see themselves not as equals but as pinnacles of the human species, with every other race falling further down the line.

Chimpanzees confused Europeans because the primates were a lot like them, but also so different. African tribes struggled with the chimpanzee-classification problem, too. While there were many stories of unpleasant interactions in which chimpanzees kidnapped and murdered children and (hopefully apocryphal) stories of chimps raping human women, chimps never made it deeply into African folklore. They were both too familiar and too weird.

And for every story of a tribe of chimpanzees killing a human, there were probably a thousand more of humans killing chimps. We may be cousins, but uneasy ones.

I’ve been up close with chimpanzees. I’ve helped sedate them. I’ve been there when their teeth have been cleaned. I’ve had young chimps cling to me and been hugged by a much older chimp who was as docile as a grandmother.

I’m still terrified of chimps.

I’m terrified of chimps in the same way that I’m terrified of a cornered man in an unfamiliar situation who is stronger than me, a more ferocious fighter than me, and programmed by evolution never to back down once a fight has started. You don’t talk a chimp down from a rampage. You tranquilize them at best and shoot them at worst.

Right now, there could be as many as thirty chimpanzees closing in on us. Baring my teeth and showing dominance is more likely to get me torn to shreds than make the primates back down. These chimps were raised in a zoo, not a circus. They never got the beatdowns from an underpowered human with a weapon to force them into docility.

Zoo chimps, even the best-cared-for ones, can kill. Chimps at sanctuaries have cooperated to pull keepers into their enclosures to attack them. These chimpanzees, stuck in this unfamiliar environment, are capable of anything. And from the scat on the floor, it’s clear what they’ve been feeding on.

Now fresh food has entered their territory, and they’re trying to figure out how best to kill it. The alpha male and his lieutenants are probably closest right now. When they make visual contact, they’ll look for a weakness and then attack. It’ll feel coordinated, but in truth it’ll be one chimp spotting an opening and the others jumping in a split second later.

Jessica and I both have guns, but the problem is that if the first shot doesn’t scare them, the others won’t make much of a difference. We have to use each bullet to kill. Even assuming perfect aim, one bullet per chimp may not be enough.

We’re surrounded; we’re outgunned.

I have to make a decision now, before the chimps do.

“I think I have a plan,” I whisper to Jessica as quietly as I can and still hope she hears me. “We wound the most dominant one and make a run for it.”

“That’s a horrible plan,” she whispers back. “Let’s make it out of here alive with our fingers and faces intact.”

I look down the dark corridor of empty server cabinets. In a moment we’re going to be surrounded with chimps on either side and crawling over the top.

In a normal encounter, it might just be one or two aggressive males that do the attacking, but in this situation, as frightened and starving as they are, it could be a free-for-all of flying arms, hands, nails, and teeth.

Jessica’s back is to mine. She’s probably scanning the tops of the cabinets like I am, waiting for the attack to begin. I’m not sure she understands what we’re up against. One adult male chimp could devastate the entire top tier of the UFC. It’s not just their strength; their teeth are like bolt cutters.

Clank.

The echo of an object hitting the floor fills the air, followed by the buckling sound of something heavy climbing on metal.