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‘We’re… we’re very short-staffed…’
She hated lying to Ben, Zoe acknowledged miserably later as she left the hotel and made her way home, but wasn’t it partly his fault that she was having to do so? She tensed as she felt the now familiar surge of mingled guilt, pain and love storm through her.
She had a shower and then dressed carefully in clean, easily removable clothes. The doctor would want to examine her, of course. Her body tensed.
She was just brushing her hair, trying not to think about what lay ahead, when Ben unlocked the door and walked into the flat.
Zoe stared at him in shock.
‘Ben… what are you doing here?’ she asked him weakly.
His eyes hardened and he looked at her.
‘I could ask you the same question,’ he told her evenly.
‘What? Oh, they didn’t need me after all… but I’m not staying. I… I have to go out… I… I’m seeing Ma,’ she lied desperately.
‘You don’t normally have a shower just to see your mother.’
Zoe stared at him. The bathroom door was open, the steam still escaping, the damp towels on the floor at her feet.
‘No, well… I felt hot and sticky. I… Why are you back so early?’ she demanded, unable to continue lying.
‘Primarily because I’ve been sacked.’
Ben cursed himself as he saw her expression. He hadn’t meant to tell her like that, but coming home and finding her here, listening to her lying to him so obviously, had made him want to reach out and shock her into realising what she was doing.
‘No! You can’t have been!’ Zoe protested. ‘You said you weren’t going to leave until the hotel was finalised.’
‘I wasn’t given any choice. It seems Aldo has a nephew who can cook ten times better than me and whom he can pay five times less. Oh, it’s all right… I’ve been in touch with one of the agencies and they’ve got some temping work for me, and at better money than Aldowas paying me. It isn’t as secure as having something permanent, of course, but it’s better than nothing.’
‘But, Ben…’ Zoe protested.
‘Hadn’t you better go?’ he asked her, giving her an unkind smile. ‘You don’t want to keep your mother waiting, do you?’
* * *
The doctor was pleasant but brisk, calmly outlining the procedures and explaining to Zoe just what would be involved.
‘The optimum time for a termination is just around the twelve-week mark, the time nature normally chooses when she decides to terminate a pregnancy. That would mean… let me see… some time next week, yes?’
‘Yes,’ Zoe agreed.
When she left the clinic she felt sick and light-headed. With relief, she assured herself fiercely as she tried to breathe deeply and calmly.
She didn’t return to the flat straight away. For one thing, Ben would be there, and she didn’t feel she could face him without betraying what she was feeling.
Instead she wandered numbly around the shops. The window display of one of them caught her attention and she stood staring at it for a long time, until the reflection of the heavily pregnant woman standing next to her made her realise what she was doing.
Shakily she turned away. What was she doing, staring at a window dressed as a child’s nursery? She had made her decision and she knew it was the right one. The only one…
Ben was changing for work when she got back to the flat. He looked at her silently for several minutes before asking calmly, ‘Did you have
a good time?’
A good time… If only he knew!
‘Yes,’ she lied, giving him a falsely bright smile.
