Page 14 of Glass Wings

I know I should press her further, but once Kennedy closed the door on a conversation, that was it.

“We can do that but promise me you will leave him. You can come live with me; there’s always an extra bedroom here for you.”

“I promise, Harley, you have to believe me. I promise.”

We spend the next couple hours making so many wish lists. Kennedy’s been doing her research on Momtok, and know everything I need to get, according to every SAHM influencer on TikTok. She’s even trying to convince me to start my own page, but there is no chance in hell of that happening. I like to watch people make a fool of themselves, not be the one behind the camera.

I find the courage to mail the letter to Easton on my way to work the next day. The newspaper office is bustling as per usual when I arrive. No one seems to have really noticed my absence, but the pile of articles to edit is a reminder that taking too much time off is never a good option. A few of the writers try to pry about Easton since the fight had made social media news, but I keep myself locked away in my office and throw myself back into work, welcoming the distraction.

My first therapy session since everything happened is next. I’m not looking forward to working through my emotions of the arrest, and the news of the baby, but I have to do it.

Clara, the older lady who works the front desk, has a vanilla-scented candle burning when I walk in. She pushes her glasses up her nose and she smiles at me over the computer she’s squinting at.

“Nice to see you, honey,” she greets, and then Doctor Rebecca—or Bec, as she prefers to be called—is at the entrance of the hallway that leads to her office.

“So happy to have you here, Harley.” Doctor Bec smiles warmly, offering the same greeting she always does when I walk into the office. I notice the frown that tugs at her lips when she doesn’t see Easton, since he’s always the one bringing me to therapy, and know that the next hour will be harder than I realized.

Doctor Bec closes the door behind us, and I take my usual seat on the big suede sofa taking up the majority of the space. I fixate my stare on the big fish tank beside the sofa and count the fish like I ‘ve done many times. For some reason I find it oddly soothing to watch them swimming in there and know it’s an obvious ploy to get people to calm down and confess their issues.

“How have you been for the last week?” She always starts with the same question; it’s like a routine at this point. Usually I’d say, ‘Oh, it’s been good. Nothing is new’, but today that sure as hell isn’t the case.

“Easton was arrested last week on Friday and denied bail, so now he’s being sentenced for assault. I found out I’m pregnant the night he was arrested, and then my best friend admitted to having an abusive boyfriend. So honestly, I’m not processing much at this point. That voice in my head is screaming at me not to eat and I’m barely holding on.”

Doctor Bec’s brows shoot to her hairline. I see her attempt to mask her shock at my answer but fail when her lips form a perfect ‘O’.

“Let’s start at the beginning.” Doctor Bec clears her throat. “Why don’t you explain everything for me in detail?”

I spend the next thirty minutes recounting everything from the last week, and Doctor Bec doesn’t say anything. She only nods along, doing a better job at masking her expressions now. When I finally finish, I sag against the couch, completely drained.

“How do you feel about the baby? Are you excited? Are you sad? Are you scared?”

I find it odd for her to ask about the pregnancy first, since she knows how important Easton was—is—to me.

“I don’t want it,” I admit for the first time out loud.

“Can you tell me why?”

“It’s not supposed to happen this way. I don’t care about being married or how old I am, I just want Easton here. I’ve never thought of myself as mother material, and I don’t think I am strong enough to keep myself healthy for this baby and I … I don’t want to let Easton down.”

“Okay, so he’s not here right now, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be there when his sentence is over. It also doesn’t mean he won’t be there for you during the pregnancy. You have been keeping yourself healthy the last few months, Harley. As far as I’m aware there haven’t been any relapses, you’ve been eating all your meals and working on loving your reflection in the mirror. I know your body is going to change, but that doesn’t mean the way it looks during pregnancy is permanent. Are you worried Easton won’t want you if you’re bigger than before?”

I nod, hating how she somehow always knows what is really going on in the deepest parts of my mind.

“Have you told him?”

I nod again.

“What did he say?” She leans forward in her chair.

“I wrote him a letter and haven’t had a response yet. But I won’t take his calls.” I look for a reaction in her brown eyes but found none. I hate that she can mask herself so well.

“Why are you pushing him away?”

“He broke his promise to me.”

“Which one?”

“That he’d never end up there again,” I admit softly.