Page 54 of Pareidolia

“I mean where here. Do you just hang upside down from trees and spend all your time waiting for hikers? Do you have a… fuck, I don’t know, a cave, or a mineshaft, or a fucking hut built somewhere in the middle of the trees?”

That desire is still there, beating against my skin. The desire to know.

To know… to know…

“I exist wherever I please. Home is a human word.”

“Of course.” He frowns. “And you’re not human.”

I drop the body I’m holding at my feet and step forward, invading his personal space. When I lift my hand, it’s sticky with blood… and he doesn’t jerk away when I use it to grab him by the throat and pull him closer to me.

“I am not human. I will never be a human with human needs and demands. That won’t change, Aspen.”

His eyes flare wide and he leans closer, his gaze darting between my bared teeth and the wings that hum in irritation at my back. Usually, I could promise a human whatever they wanted, mirror their petty emotions and desires, and it would be enough to bring them to me.

But Aspen is already here, and empty promises won’t fill the place in his chest that seems to demand more.

“I don’t want you to change,” he finally says, twisting out of my grip. It leaves a streak of crimson across his neck. “I just want… I… fuck. It doesn’t matter what I want.”

He stalks back toward the cabin, and I’m left with the choice of either pulling him back to me and tearing him apart for his defiance, or following him to try to understand the dark cloud rolling off him in palpable waves that I’d be able to sense even if I were a human.

“What do you want from me, Aspen? I can mimic human reactions, human emotions. I could put on a skinsuit to match your own and take you into town and play pretend at a date… but you and I both know it won’t be real,” I growl, frustration making my wings flick. “You seem like a creature who seeks honesty.”

He whirls again as he gets to the porch, and standing at the top of the steps puts him eye level with me.

“Exactly. Honesty!” He snaps the word like I’ve given him something sharp to cut me with. “All my life, I’ve been dishonest. I’ve lied, I’ve worn a mask. I don’t know what honesty feels like any more than I did fear. It’s your fault, Nox. I’m greedy now.” He takes a step back until he’s standing above me. “I want more.”

I don’t know what more means. More death? More emotions?

“More what?”

“If you’re the only thing in existence that’s ever going to see me for what I am, I…” He swallows hard, and the flush of color on his cheeks doesn’t tell me if he’s embarrassed or if the thought of what he’s about to say excites him. “I want to see you too.”

He wants to see me? I’ve shown him me at my worst, at my truest. I’ve taken him to the edge of death and let him look into that abyss before I brought him back.

He’s filled with me.

“I’m standing right here.”

That answer doesn’t seem to satisfy him at all.

“Fuck this.” Aspen sounds furious when he finally breaks eye contact. He spins in a slow circle, scanning the horizon until he finds what he’s looking for. The fire tower stands tall, a beacon that can lead him to the safe haven of the outside world.

He takes off without saying a word, jerking away when I reach out to grab his arm again. “I have to go back into town, Nox.” It comes out calmly, and I hate that most of all.

He’s hiding—hiding what he is. Hiding his anger. He’s hiding right after he told me that he wants to be himself for the first time, all because he’s asking for things that I can’t understand, that I don’t know how to give.

“Why?” I found him the cabin—I gave him what he asked for. There shouldn’t be a reason for him to leave again. Not that I can think of. Not that I can understand.

“Because you’re a fucking impossible monster who is quite possibly even worse at dealing with people than me.” He pauses then, and his fingers lift, rubbing against the mark I left on his shoulder. I can feel it again when he does it, that twinge of something radiating from him, an emotion that feels so strange because it’s foreign to him. “And I need to buy cleaning supplies and some new clothes.”

The last bit is maybe offered so I’ll let him go, though I’m tempted to keep him here whether he wants it or not.

I let him step away from me with a low snarl. “You’ll die if you try to leave me, little monster.”

He rolls his eyes. “Right.”

“If the shadows in your chest don’t tear you apart to come back to me, I’ll find you and do it myself.” It’s a low warning that comes out in a soft rumble and seems to slide right off the apathy that he’s once again offering me.