Page 28 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

Her pupils are huge, swallowing almost all the color in her eyes, and she keeps trying to lean backward like her body forgot how balance works.

Ryan gets her back to the porch as fast as he can, practically dropping her on the wooden planks, before turning toward me immediately. “Jade, get outside.”

“What?” I blink at him, my thoughts moving too slowly. “What’s happening?”

“Go outside,” he repeats firmer this time. “Now.”

He moves quickly through the living room, grabbing a saucer off the coffee table that has something small, like a tube. The smoke is coming from it. He snatches up an orange prescription bottle beside it.

“Who the hell is Carl White?” Ryan says as the room tilts even more to the left.

“Ryan…” I whisper.

He looks up immediately, and his expression changes the second he sees my face.

“Hey,” he says quickly, crossing the room toward me. “Jade, look at me.”

But I can’t focus on him anymore.

Everything feels heavy suddenly, my heartbeat too loud in my ears, my hands numb. Somewhere far away, I hear my mother crying, then laughing again, and Ryan swearing under his breath while he grabs my shoulders.

“You need air,” he says. “Come on.”

I try to answer him, but dizziness crashes through me so fast my knees buckle. The last thing I really remember is Ryan catching me before I hit the floor.

When I wake up, somebody’s rubbing my hands between theirs, voices blur together nearby.

“That house reeks…”

“…God, what has she done…”

I blink slowly. Everything feels warm now and heavy. A blanket’s wrapped around me so tightly I can barely move my arms, and when I finally force my eyes open, I realize I’m curled against someone’s chest.

Ryan.

He’s sitting against the side of the porch swing with me, wrapped in the quilt Aunt Maggie made me for Christmas.

His hand presses against the back of my head the second he notices I’m awake.

“Hey,” he says quietly.

The porch light throws shadows across his face, making him look older somehow.

Inside the house, I hear Aunt Maggie’s voice rising sharply for the first time in my entire life. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Then my mother starts sobbing, and me? I do too.

Ryan pulls the blanket tighter around me as I start shaking.

Song: Paradise City - Guns N’ Roses

Spring 89

She’s home from another hospital stay. Luckily, this time, her latest incident didn’t land me there too. And unlike before, I didn’t make dinner afterward or sit across from her pretending her apology fixed something.

I understand she’s sick. The problem is that she isn’t changing.

And Carl White, whoever the hell that is, has been here. In our house. I heard Dad say his name, his voice sharp in that quiet, dangerous way that means he’s trying not to completely lose it. Hurt. Angry. Broken in a way he used to hide, but it’s too much now.