Page 82 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

“I do.” She states.

“You don't.” I laugh.

“You were going to ask me about Lucas Links, because you want me in the same happy place as you are with Tommy Lane.”

“I—”

“Everyone either likes or tolerates Tommy Lane; he’s funny and lighthearted. Lucas?” She shakes her head. “Not the same.”

“He likes you, and you are totally intrest⁠—”

“Stop projecting,” she interrupts me with a laugh. “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you. Now tell me about the notes.”

For the next three miles, I give her a full recap of every note he'd tucked into my locker, every smile we’ve exchanged, every time I saw him peeking into a classroom, and that he and I have a study hall third period, and Econ sixth together.

By the time we crest the hill and the farm comes into view, I see exactly why she may have wanted to hang back. The driveway was packed with pickups, Dad’s included. They’re unloading hay from one wagon now, with several more waiting to be unloaded.

“We’ve got work to do today.” She sighs.

“Hot as Hades, too. We should grab them some water. Unless you have sun tea brewing.”

She shakes her head no and I realize immediately it was an Aunt Maggie thing. This brings back the memory of Aunt Josie that Thanksgiving, bringing up a neighbor's dog, stealing a turkey off a porch, and blaming herself for the woman I used to call mom, having a breakdown that day. God, I feel like an idiot.

Tessa hastens her steps, and I do what I must to keep up.

I begin to apologize. “I’m⁠—”

“If we don’t cry over spilled milk, then we sure as hell don’t cry over sun tea.” She laughs.

“But I⁠—”

“Jade, I promise you I’m good. Pissed, but good.”

“You can talk to me, you know.”

“There’s really nothing to say. But if there is, it will be you that I talk to.” She assures me.

The thing is that she shouldn’t feel like she must. I hated that. I hated smiling just to make people feel better about my situation. I vow right then not to do that to her.

“There better be some new songs on the charts this week.” I sigh with great exaggeration. “I am so over Baby Got Back.”

“You who has.” She motions up and down toward me, “back can never hate that song as much as I do.”

“Well, you got.” I motion the same at her, “Front, so seriously, who’s better off here?”

We both burst out laughing.

Uncle John is looking around, exhausted, when we walk in. “You know where the water cooler jugs are?” Tessa nods as he continues. “Alex brought some hay help. We may have to feed them. There’s a lot of work to be done.”

“We’ve got this, Uncle John.” I give him a side hug.

“Thanks, Jade.” He pats my back, then squeezes Tessa’s shoulder as he walks out the door.

Very normal, I think, but one giant piece of the home is missing…Aunt Maggie. This sucks for them more than it sucks for me, of course, because I am used to waking up to missing parts and pieces of my family. Of course they are too, but it’s different when you live in the midst of it, when one of the missing parts that would put it back together is hiding in plain sight.

Washing my hands next to Tessa, I glance out the window. I see Ry’s big black truck. I hate the damn thing. I’m aware that’s completely irrational. But ever since he got it, he’s changed. He’s kind of a jerk. No, scratch that; he is a jerk, worse, actually. Lately he’s crossed over into a full-blown asshole.

I admit I crossed whatever line was drawn by kissing him, by basically professing my childhood crush and secret belief that Ry would also be the boy who would pull me out of any situation that I was stuck or frozen in. That day before church was seriously a bad idea. And yes, God, yes, I regret that, but it is what it is. It didn’t change anything, not on my part anyway. The next time I saw him, I didn’t act like I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I made it clear I wanted this senior year to be about him and Alex reclaiming their love of football, just like Tessa and I were determined to make it the best year ever, despite being in the same damn town. Everyone looked at me as if I was fragile, or at Tessa like she should be feared based on her reaction to people whose whispered words became whispers that may as well have been screams. I was hell-bent on ensuring that the four of us regain the joy that was tragically taken. But Ryan Brooks clearly has no intention to be anything but frozen —in his own way— to moody dickhead mode, especially when his new teammates are around.