Page 8 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

For once Lady Catherine had no answer. Charlotte took her arm and led her away while Sanderson waited by the door. I remained in the doorway, looking at Darcy and Richard.

“I’m so sorry,” I said numbly. “So sorry.”

Both of them started to speak at once, assuring me that none of this was my fault, that I was a victim too. They both were in shock, I think, and after a few moments of whispered consultation Dr Spears and Dr Barnes broke out the brandy and convinced us all to sit down. Elizabeth came back in, nodded approval of the brandy and went into the bedroom to look out of the window at the sound of another carriage approaching.

“Your father, at last, Colonel.”

“Oh, dear God, what am I going to say to him?” Richard shook his head.

“We shall have to tell him everything,” Darcy said bleakly. “He must hear it from us.”

Richard blew out his cheeks and nodded slowly. I reached out to comfort him, pressing my fingers gently on his hand.

Richard turned his hand beneath mine and took my fingers in his. “Anne, you’re cold,” he said. “I’ve no one to send for a shawl for you just now – one moment...” He went into his bedroom and returned with a jacket, which he placed about my shoulders, and a blanket to cover my legs. The jacket was ridiculously huge but it was soft wool and very warm, and it smelled faintly of leather. I drew it around me and sipped at the glass of brandy Dr Spears gave me. I could get to like brandy, I realised.

Well, it is all over, for now. Lord Matlock looked appalled when we told him what Lady Catherine had confessed. He seemed to want to discuss all of the revelations with Richard and Darcy in private, but it was clear Elizabeth had no intention of departing the room and Richard would not leave me alone, so they just asked the doctors to leave.

I asked the Earl rather timidly whether Rosings still belonged to me, now that we knew the truth of my birth. He assured me that it did. Father’s will was very clear, naming me as his sole heir, and Lady Catherine and the Earl as my guardians until I should come of age.

22 March

Darcy, Richard and the Earl spent the rest of yesterday interviewing the staff. Mrs Jenkinson was the first dismissed, followed by Mrs Raines the housekeeper, Mrs Ellis the cook, and several upper servants who had remained loyal to Lady Catherine. Charlotte sent to the vicarage for her own cook. Mr Collins came with her, but Darcy sent him away. At dinner a young maid and footman served us with such anxious care that I wished they knew they had nothing to fear from me. I asked Charlotte to stay in my room that night, and she agreed at once. Later I heard Richard ask Sanderson to keep watch outside the door. Even so, I slept less soundly than I had in Richard’s bed.

This morning I ate the heartiest breakfast I can remember, choosing for myself from the sideboards and going back for seconds. Richard said the meal had brought some colour into my cheeks. Dr Spears suggested a little exercise, and Richard asked if I would walk with him in the park. For the first time I could remember, a walk sounded pleasant. I fetched my cloak and took his offered arm.

We walked in silence until we came through the trees and looked down upon Rosings.

“I hate this place,” I burst out then. “I never want to see it again.”

“Anne!” Startled, Richard turned to me. “Rosings is yours – your inheritance!”

“It has been my hell,” I said passionately, “and I wish I could leave and never come back!”

“I cannot say I do not understand,” Richard said. “We have been occupied with arrangements for Lady Catherine. Bedlam is out of the question; we shall find her a secluded house and nurses to care for her. But we have not asked what you want. Where would you wish to go?”

“I don’t know,” I said, though I knew I wanted to be wherever Richard was. I could hardly tell him so.

“London might not be the best place while you recover. The Darcys would welcome you at Pemberley. Or there is Matlock, of course; Cousin Grace is acting as hostess for Father.”

“Only if you were there,” I said without thinking, and he gave me a fond smile.

“I am afraid I cannot. My furlough will soon be over, and I must return to my regiment. I think Pemberley would suit you. Georgiana will be there, and I believe Mrs Darcy’s sisters Mary and Kitty are to spend the summer with them.”

“I don’t think Darcy would want me there...”

“I don’t think Darcy has much to say on the matter. Elizabeth has already made her mind up that they are leaving the Season early and taking you straight to Pemberley, with only a stop in London to collect Georgiana and another in Hertfordshire for her sisters.”

I found myself smiling. “She has decided it all already, has she?”

“That she has.” Richard smiled at Elizabeth’s name. I wondered, miserably, whether he might be half in love with her himself.

Easter Sunday, 10 April

I have written nothing for weeks. We are at Pemberley now, and at last I have a little time. We left Rosings the day after my last entry and went to London, where Richard stayed with us for three days before returning to his regiment. I managed not to cry while he was there to see me. The moment he had gone, I shut myself in my room and wept. Elizabeth found me and sat beside me until I could speak. She said I should see him again, and that for now I must give myself time to grow stronger.

Before Richard left, I asked whether his brother James would be coming to London. I said that I had always liked James, though I saw him so seldom.

“That is because you have never known him very well,” Richard muttered.