Page 83 of His Pet

“That’s good. You made a lot of people worried, though. Your teachers. Your roommate. Your family. Now, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad,” he quickly adds. “I’m not here to judge you. Trust me, I know from experience that sometimes the need to run away from everything is too strong to consider the consequences.”

My family. Mark says he’s not here to judge, but he goes straight for the jugular. I already regret agreeing to speak to him. Only my deeply ingrained good manners stop me from kicking him out.

“My family…” What am I supposed to say? That I couldn’t call them because I was being held captive? They wouldn’t understand anyway. Now, that’s something I can share with Mark. Maybe it will get him off my back.

“My family is deeply religious.” Not a lie. “When I realized I was attracted to men as well as women, I completely freaked out.” Not a lie, either. “I just needed some time to deal with it.” A bit of a fabrication, but not an outright lie. I’m getting better at this.

“I understand that must be difficult. What made you feel safe with Cameron?”

I remember his arms around me. The way he holds me even when I cry. How he tells me I’m perfect. “He accepts me the way I am,” I reply truthfully. “I’ve never had that. My parents… I was never enough. But to Cameron, I am enough. He doesn’t expect me to change. To be better or stronger. How could I not feel safe with him?”

Mark nods thoughtfully. “Sometimes we can feel safe and unsafe with the safe person. It can get confusing. Were there times when you didn’t feel entirely safe with Cameron?”

“No.”

Once again, he doesn’t call me out on the blatant lie. He’s too good at this. In another life, I would have loved to talk out my complicated feelings with him, but that’s impossible.

“Okay,” he says. “I hear you. I just want you to know that whatever you felt or are still feeling is valid. Be gentle with yourself. Whatever thoughts went through your head during your time with Cameron, don’t feel bad about them. In tense situations, the craziest thoughts often cross our minds, ones we’re ashamed of or afraid to even acknowledge.”

Like being in love with the man who held you captive and raped you. Because that’s what I’m feeling, isn’t it? The crazy thought I was afraid to acknowledge. Damn Mark for digging it up. What am I supposed to do with that knowledge now?

At least he said I shouldn’t feel bad for it, even though I probably should. It’s hardly a normal thing to fall for your rapist. But Cameron’s so much more than that. Ever since the garden, he’s been perfect. Demanding and dominating, yes, but also sweet and cuddly and chatty, especially after his meeting with Rossi. And the sex… I never thought it could feel like this. So overwhelming and fulfilling.

So yeah. I love Cameron.

There, I acknowledged it, and I won’t feel ashamed of it. Thanks, Mark. Now get out.

“Listen, Mark,” I start slowly, unease twisting my stomach. What if he gets angry when I tell him I don’t want to talk to him anymore? I hate when people are angry with me. “This has been a great chat, but…”

To my relief, he smiles. “But you’ve had enough of me,” he teases. “It’s okay, really. Here’s my card. If you ever want to talk about anything or just sit in silence, call me. And Justin? Make sure the choices you make from here on are actually yours.”

Now that's something I don't have to lie about. “They are.”

Chapter 52

Justin

“Dude, I totally thought you were dead!” Derek gawks at me like he’s seeing a ghost. “I have to post about this. My roomie returning from the brink of death. That’s gonna get a shit ton of engagement.”

I roll my eyes as I change into the clothes he brought for me. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic. Have you seen yourself in a mirror?” His eyes rove over my body as I pull my pants on. “You look like death warmed over. What’s with the bruises, dude? Were you kidnapped by aliens?”

I burst out laughing. It sounds a little hysterical, but I can’t help it. “Aliens? That’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Are you drunk, Derek?”

“Duh. It’s Friday night and you pulled me from a party. Of course I’m drunk. But really, what’s with the bruises? You look like you’ve been choked. Are you okay?” Derek hesitates, his teasing giving way to genuine concern.

Heat floods my cheeks as I remember Cameron grabbing my throat while pounding into me. I never thought I’d find that hot, but here we are.

Derek’s eyes widen to a comical level. “Oh my god, it was a sex thing, wasn’t it? Bro! You have to tell me everything. Who is she? She must have a hell of a grip.”

I blush even harder, then decide to just go with it. There’s no point in staying in the closet. “Actually, it was a guy. I hooked up with a guy. And yes, the bruises are a sex thing. Consensual,” I stress, not wanting to get into another discussion about my “trauma.”

“Wow.” Derek whistles. “So you’re bi and kinky? How come you’re so freaking cool all of a sudden?” He shakes his head. “It’s always the wallflowers who are the biggest freaks. You could have left a note or something, though. I was worried, and your folks were downright freaking out. Your mom was calling every other day, and I had to help your brothers cover the campus with missing posters. We genuinely thought you were dead, dude.”

Damn. Even my brothers were worried about me? And Derek? We were too different to really become friends, and we clashed a lot, especially when he brought girls over to our room without so much as a warning. I’ll freely admit I didn’t like him very much, and I thought he shared the sentiment. Yet he was worried, and when I called, he immediately rushed over.

“I’m sorry.” What else am I supposed to say? That captives locked up in cages don’t get to call their friends and family to tell them they’re okay?