Page 117 of A Veil of Gods and Kings

“Please excuse me,” Temi said, running after me. We reached the hallway, and she snagged my arm. “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving. I’m sorry I didn’t discuss it with you. And I know it isn’t fair. If you desire to stay, I understand.”

She clenched her fists, and the muscles along her arms tensed, her voice coming in a whisper that rushed hot against my cheek. “How can you just leave like this? You’ve finally found someone, a connection, a person who matters to you—”

“Which is”—I interrupted her—“why I have to go.” I fixed her with a look until she bowed her head. “You know what could happen to Hyacinth, to his kingdom.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to join me.”

Something warred across her expression, but then she ground her teeth together. “I’ll come, but there’s someone I must speak with first.”

“I’ll meet you in an hour at the Patrollo”

“All right.”

Hyacinth stepped into the room, his eyes wide and glimmering.

“I’ll see you in an hour,” Temi said.

“Don’t be late.”

She nodded.

Hyacinth strode over, his maroon and plum robe whirling around his ankles. “Apollo, what are you doing?”

A storm swelled up in my chest, thundering like it would tear me apart, but I let my words turn hard and icy. “I must go. Thank you again, for everything.”

“So, that’s… that’s it. You’re not even going to look me in the eyes. You’re just going to fuck me, sleep in my arms, and then walk out of here like there’s nothing between us?”

My nose flared, and I forced my muscles to still. How I longed to speak the truth to him. If I could, I would say: Hyacinth, you are everything. If I’m the sun, you’re the sky that’s held me up. You’ve made me feel human and worthy and like I could do good for the first time in my life. But I will burn you. I will cause your death if not worse. And I cannot allow that. So, yes, I made love to you, breathed in the sweetness of your scent while we slept curled up together, and now I’m walking out, and it’s going to ruin me. It’s going to rip my heart into pieces and leave nothing but shreds remaining. And centuries—millennia from now—I will still bleed for you. But the one thing I have it in my power to do is to leave before I cause you harm.

Of course I couldn’t say that. So, instead I let my voice run cold though it took every inch of self-control I had for it not to waiver. “My apologies if I’ve hurt you, but—”

“Your apologies?” Tears broke free from his eyes, tracking his cheeks. Each one seemed to tear through me, renting my soul. “Fuck your apologies, Apollo. Don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Apollo… please…”

“Goodbye, Hyacinth,” I said, and I turned and clipped down the hall as fast as I could without running. Hyacinth’s breath hitched, a sob that shattered through me like a star exploding. But I kept my gaze ahead and my feet moving forward.

42

Epiphany

Meadow’s feet galloped through the field, a rhythmic clattering that echoed in my mind. Dark clouds hovered over the earth, wrapping around lilac outlines of mountains in the distance. Sweat glimmered over Meadow’s withers, and I pulled on the reins, slowing her pace. She gave her head a shake, her mane swishing.

I blew out a breath and leaned into her neck. “All right, girl. I’ve worked you hard enough. Time for a rest.”

As we cantered back, the stables grew larger with each jostle. A sigh fluttered past my lips. Temi was right about… everything. A lick of anger swept through me again, but I blew out another breath. We’d been harsh with each other, but everything we’d said needed to come to light. She’d called me out and made me feel exposed with her words. Maybe I had more free choices than I’d acknowledged though. My father and brothers weren’t ogres, after all. A lot of women ended up in a situation like that but not me. My family wanted to see me married for my safety as much as any benefit they’d gain from it. Perhaps I should speak up, be honest with my father and Hyacinth about how I felt. Maybe there were more paths I could choose than the one I kept insisting I had to take. And, most importantly, I needed to speak with Temi. I tightened my fingers around the reins as we reached the paddock, and Valerian met us as I jumped off.

“Temi left a letter for you,” he said, holding out a parchment.

“Why?”

He chewed the corner of his lip. “She and her brother left this afternoon.”