Page 39 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

Despite the discomfort that had played out between us, seeing him was like a cool breeze on a blistering day, and my heart slowed. I lay on a pile of blankets on the ground in a stall. I sat up and peeled grass out of the ends of my curls. A horse snorted and shuffled somewhere in the distance. “Why am I here?”

“I’m sorry,” Valerian whispered. “I didn’t want to leave you alone after last night.”

“What happened? Wait”—panic swelled within me like a wave again—“where’s Temi?”

“She’s fine. Sappho gave you a sleeping drug in your wine.”

I gasped. “She did what?”

Valerian frowned. He had dark circles under his eyes, his beard holding a scruffy edge to it, his color wan. I wrinkled my fingers in the blanket I lay tangled in. “So, you brought me out here?”

“Yes. Again, I apologize if that’s not what you would have wanted. I couldn’t stand to leave you in her house.”

I peeled the cover back. Underneath I wore only my cream shift, the thin fabric scarcely covering me. I clutched the blanket over me again. “Did you undress me?”

Valerian’s skin blushed furiously, his nose turning a deep crimson. “No… no… of course not. Temi was here most of the night, and she did.”

“Oh.”

He coughed and looked over his shoulder. “I finally convinced her to lie down. She apparently has some goddess she’s going to meet tonight that will know who her father is, so I told her to get a few hours of sleep.”

I swallowed. “It doesn’t look like you did.”

“Well, one of us ought to.” He scratched his jaw.

“Besides me, you mean?”

His emerald eyes shifted to me, a hint of a sparkle glittering across them, the corner of his lips turning up. And despite everything, the longing for him whipped through me. “At least someone carried that burden for us.”

I fumbled over the blanket and stood, sweeping it around my shoulders. “You took care of me last night. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He scanned over me. “Do you feel all right?”

“I do.”

He frowned again but inclined his head. “I’ll give you some privacy, then, if you’d like to get dressed.”

I nodded, and he strode down the stable, calling to someone and pulling the door shut. My dress from the day before lay folded over the stall, and I pulled it on. Someone had tucked my bag into the corner, and I found my brush and tugged it through my tangled curls. When I finished, I stepped out into the bright sunshine of morning. Palm trees swayed in a breeze, the ocean shimmering in the distance.

Valerian stood between a couple of horses, combing down their backs. I walked up to him. “Val?”

He lifted his face and so much swelled in his eyes, so much he wouldn’t speak. And gods, was I tired of that between us. It was like a music we’d learned to play so well we couldn’t find another tune. But I was ready to learn one. “Do you know what I thought when I saw you first thing this morning?”

“What?”

I swallowed, and my curls, loose and still slightly tangled, wisped out on a breeze. “I thought about how much I missed you. How I’m tired of avoiding you.”

His shoulders slumped. “I’m tired of being avoided.”

I stepped in closer, our arms brushing. The earthy smell of the horses enveloped us. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said.”

He studied me for a moment but didn’t speak.

“You stayed up all night for my sake.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t deny it, though his already piercing gaze intensified. “You’ve told me you love me. So…” My voice grew fierce. “Make me understand why you don’t want to be with me.”

He blinked rapidly and thrust his hand out towards the blue skies. “It’s not about what I want. My life has never been about that, Pip. It’s about doing what’s right.”

A breath puffed past my lips. Why was everything in my life always wrong? My desires and hopes and dreams never lined up with the path everyone else wanted me on. I’d always felt like with Valerian I could truly be myself and share the desires of my heart. He didn’t see them as foolish or hopeless.