Page 48 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

“Thanks for your indulgent levels of compassion.”

He rolled his eyes. “I already faked it in front of the feathered guy. You won’t get me to kiss your ass like that again anytime soon, so be grateful.”

I sighed. “Thank you for saving me.”

He clapped my shoulder.

And we continued down the hall, back towards the party. But worries strung through me. Zephyrus’ plans seemed bigger than I had imagined. And the way he had interacted with the hundreds of deities in attendance felt more of a show of his popularity, on his part, than any desire for me to make connections.

I had to find out what he had in motion, but the idea of being alone for another minute with him, of him touching me, sent chills of revulsion through my gut. The crawling sensation of that settled on me as we continued down the hall together.

19

Epiphany

I climbed a ladder up to where the ocean breeze whipped through open windows, and dropped in the hay beside Valerian. The stables differed from the ones at home, the walls a cool gray in the moonlight. But the space held a grassy sweetness that permeated the air that felt familiar.

“I thought I might find you up here,” I said.

His gaze stretched ahead, his eyes lost in shadows. “We were never very good at unique hiding places.”

“Our one spot always worked to avoid others.” I tangled my fingers together in my lap. “We’ve never wished to hide from each other before.”

An owl hooted, and Valerian turned towards the sound. “That’s true,” he whispered. “Has Temi left with Sappho?”

“Yes.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I wish I could have gone. I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m untouchable.”

Valerian’s eyebrows drew together, and he shifted closer to me, his dark hair gleaming in the spill of ivory light that trailed in. “Do I treat you that way?”

“Until recently, no. But since I told you how I feel, yes. It’s like I don’t get to decide things outside of what I was born as. As if it’s a prison sentence I’m shackled to.”

Valerian’s jaw jumped, and he bowed his head.

“Have you considered what we discussed?”

His eyes caught a glint of light that reflected like water shimmering at night. “Epiphany,” he whispered, as if the word and the meaning it held were too sacred to enunciate. “That’s all I’ve thought about this entire trip. But… I can’t… How am I supposed to...?”

I reached out for his hand, sliding my fingers between his rough ones. “I love you.”

He winced, but his voice came steady. “I love you, too. I have for a very long time. But, feeling that way and acting on it have different repercussions.”

I leaned in, my heart thundering like hooves galloping across an expanse and into a future I couldn’t determine. I let my nose brush his, and he sucked in a breath. My lips feathered against his, so soft we barely touched. Valerian shivered, his fingers tangling into my hair, his mouth parting.

Kissing him again sent sparks flying through me. I wrapped my arm around his back and pulled him in tighter, deepening the kiss. When we peeled apart, I bowed my head into his shoulder. “Don’t you want this?”

“Of course, I do. But…”

The hay crunched as I leaned towards him. A cool feeling slipped down my limbs like I stepped out on starlight, trusting magic to hold me aloft as I found my voice. “Can you stop thinking about what’s right, for once, and just give in to what you want instead?”

He released a breath, and the warmth of it caressed my neck. His heartbeat thundered against me. He closed his eyes for a moment, wrinkles sweeping over his forehead. When he opened them, he met my gaze. “You’re making it very difficult to try and do the right thing.”

“Then don’t.”

Val studied me in such a way that he could have touched me and had less impact. Something in his gaze changed, and he reached out and brushed his thumb over my cheek and then pressed his mouth against mine. The kiss came rough and needing, unlike any touch we’d shared before. He gripped his fingers into my arm, pulling me against him until our heartbeats pounded together.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew Valerian. I knew the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the feel of his calloused hands in mine, how sweat beaded over his bare chest. Heat burned in my stomach, and I pushed him down.

His muscles tensed, his hands lingering by my side. I straddled my legs over him, and he swallowed, the sound like a stone hitting a well as it echoed against the rafters. I lowered my face to his again and kissed him. “Pip,” he drew away from me, “we have to be careful.”