Page 71 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

He turned back towards me, emotions rippling across the hazel color of his eyes. “If you loved me, you’d respect me. And that means you would never,” he said through his teeth, “force yourself on me. And godsdamnit we had an agreement. You knew we walked into this situation for me to deal with Zephyrus for the sake of my people. You broke your word to me.”

“Cyn, I’m sorry. You’re right. I was trying to help you and your kingdom, I swear. But I went about it wrong.”

“You think?” He waved my words off. “You say you’re trying to help my people, but you’re picking me over the rest of the world. Doing that makes you a villain, not a diplomat.”

“Then I’m a villain. And I won’t apologize for that either because you mean everything to me.”

I reached for his arm, but he jerked away from me, his gaze growing distant again. “I don’t want to be with a villain.” He gritted his teeth. “You don’t even see the issue here, and that’s the problem.”

“I’m sorry, Cyn. Help me see it. I’ll do whatever you want.”

He stared out ahead of him, his features wrenched with pain, and it ached through me. His next whispered words caught me off guard. “Zephyrus said something to me about you.” He turned towards me, his skin’s color cool in the ivory light reflecting around us. “He told me that you’ve vowed to your father to ascend in the spring.” His eyebrows pressed together. “Tell me that’s a lie.”

I stared at him, and my lip trembled. I had no idea how Zephyrus had heard about that though I suppose my father sharing it with others shouldn’t surprise me. But this was the worst time for this information to come out. I’d only kept it from him so he could focus. But now, it would look like I’d done so because I wasn’t honest with him.

His voice grew into a growl. “Tell me it’s not true, Apollo.”

I bowed my head, lacing my hands together. “It’s true.”

He released a sob that clouded into the air. “So… so you’ve lied to me?”

“No.” I raised my face again. “Never, Cyn. But I didn’t want to tell you until…”

“Until I’d made a godsdamn fool of myself? Until you acted on your impulses and decided things without consulting me that affect me and my entire fucking kingdom?” He stared at me, his eyes welling with furious tears that he batted away.

“I didn’t want you worried about that and upset while trying to navigate everything politically during this trip.”

“I don’t get the privilege of putting my feelings first. I’m a prince. My people”—he spread his fingers over his chest, his rings glinting in the sun—“must come first before everything. It’s my role. I thought you understood that, but you don’t care. You just shame me in front of a group of people, put our entire plan at risk, piss off powerful gods, mark me like I’m some damn possession of yours, ruin everything, and act like we aren’t making decisions together at all. You aren’t thinking past your next fucking step, and you’ve harmed the citizens of my country with your impetuousness.”

I swallowed but couldn’t come up with words.

He bowed his head, his robe cutting off his features. “I need time to think.”

My heart jumped into my throat. “What do you mean?”

He turned back towards me, and his expression solidified, the decisive edge of a king smoothing over him. “I want us to go separate ways for now. I can’t…” His voice broke, tears glistening in his eyes. “I can’t do this right now.”

“No.” A crackling feeling splintered through me, like a star exploding, all of its rippling bits of illumination tearing apart. “Cyn, please. I promise you.” I snagged his hand. He didn’t draw back, but his fingers draped limp in my grip. “I’ll do whatever you ask. We’ll fix this.”

He nodded. His cheeks glowed scarlet in the wind. “I want us to fix it.” He swept his gaze towards me and pulled his hand away. “But not together.”

“Hyacinth, I’m begging you.” My voice trembled. “Don’t do this.”

He gave his head a shake. “Maybe you should have considered that before you acted. I want us to split up for now. I need”—he winced—“time to think about things. You and Delon take half the guards and go south towards Ansair. See if you can make alliances there.” His words puffed out in clouds in the chill air.

Tears bit at my eyes. I’d wanted to protect him, to save his kingdom, to help. But I’d destroyed his confidence instead. “The guards should stay with you,” I whispered. “I can go to Ansair on my own.”

He jerked his head in my direction, his expression taking on a glint. “Did you ever consider that I want Delon there to monitor you since I can’t trust you to be diplomatic and the guards are for his sake?”

I choked over a breath. We stared at each other. A gleam of sunlight rippled over one of his eyes, giving the hazel color a honey-touched glow.

The blow of what all I’d done plowed into me, stealing words. I wanted to help. But I had achieved the opposite, and now Hyacinth looked at me like a traitor, a thief, a villain unworthy of a scrap of confidence. “I’ll do whatever you wish for,” I said, bowing my head.

“Then you’ll go to Ansair.” His voice rang so cold, it competed with the temperatures for iciness.

I swallowed and nodded as the wind whipped through my coat, a trail of it streaking into my clothing and sending a chill down my spine.

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